Killing Loneliness
by LoveLust7
Summary: What life is like with Bam Margera
1. Chapter 1

The beeping of the radio brought me alive. I wanted to sleep for another couple of days but I knew that I needed to get up and work. I rolled over to lay on my back. Next to me still sleeping threw the alarm laid lawrence. From under the blankets i could see bits of skin with tattoos and bits of skin without. I looked down at my own skin. My body was covered in ink too.J well not excessively atleast. Not everywhere atleast but enough to let people know who i was. I stood up once i turned off the clock and wondered to the bathrom. The hot water brought my mind to attention and I started to think about my day. I knew there were alot of appointments today, more then my normal days but Id been on vacation. The thought of my vacation brought a smile to my face. I looked down at my hand and saw the sparkling ring on my left hand.  
On my vacation Lawrence had asked me to marry him. The thought about it brought tears to my eyes. I had been with him since I was 18, now 25, and had known him since we were only 7. I peaked my head out of the bathroom door again to see him still sleeping. As I dressed for work, just simplely jeans and a t-shirt, I thought about all the work that I had ahead of me. Not only was the shop so busy that I was looking for new artists to come in and tattoo, but the idea of adding in a wedding to the mix was crazy.  
I stood there to long thinking and ran out of the bathroom to get my stuff and leave. I had been standing there for far to long. I kissed Lawrence on the cheek and told him I loved him, my only response was a mubbled one back.  
I sped down the street with the music loud. I needed music to pump me up for a full day of tattooing. When Rio Bravo by CKY came on I turned it up and started to sing along. It was only 9 am but in LA it was already hot. I tried to dodge as much trafic as I could using all the backstreets that I had learned over the years. I'd lived here in LA with Lawrence since I was 20, it had been a long time dream of mine to come here and be in the ranks of art like Kat Von D and all the other amazing tattoo artists that were in LA. Once I pulled up to the shop, I looked in and saw Kat looking back at me.  
When I had first got to LA, I went straight to Kat Von D's shop and begged - more like pleaded for her to give me a job there. I showed her my work and after a few months of convincing Kat agreed for me to be her apprentice. Now years later, I'm my own tattoo artist, taught by one of the best in the field and maknig my own mark.  
The second I was threw the door Kat, and the others who worked at the shop came running towards me.  
"Show me show me show me!" Kat grabbed my hand and staired down at the ring. There were oohs and awws from everyone that stood there looking at it. Then they all started hugging and congratulating me. I thanked them, blushing from the fact that everyone already knew.  
"Thanks Kat, but can you just tell me my schedual? i mean as mush as I love everyone stairing at me, I'd like to make some money today," I rounded the front desk and sat down in the chair to look up at my idol. She smiled down at me and grabbed her book.  
"Weeeellll, you were suposed to do like 10 appointments which is crazy, and I know any other day I'd stillwork you into the ground but today I've got something planned for us," She smiled and waved at me for her to follow her back to her office. I looked at the other employees and they didn't seem to know what was happening. I was a few feet behind her but I made it into the office behind her by the time she turned to look for me.  
"Well what is it?" I dropped myself down on her couch and waited while she sat at the desk and turned the chair around to face me. She was still smiling and I could tell she was up to something.  
"Well, a friend of mine I've known for a while is in town doing promo for his new movie, and him and his friend wanna get tattoos! So you and I are going to go to their hotel in a bit for lunch with them, then I'm tattooing one and you are doing the other. They are great and hillarious!" Kat smiled and was pressing buttons on her phone. I watched her fingers move quickly as she sent a text to someone. I had heard that she had some really great friends but I had never bothered her about trying to meet them. She had so many rockstar friends, skateboard friends, actor friends - you name it she knew them. I had never heard of her ever asking someone else to come along with her though.  
"Really? Oh wow Kat! This is amazing!" I couldn't hold in my excitement for much longer. I got up and hugged her, startling her. She laughed and couldn't help but hug me back.  
"Dont forget to act cool though, you are an amazing artist and I'm sure they will love you,"  
"Oh uhm, who are they by the way?" There were so many possibilities that were running threw my head that I couldn't think properly. My heart started to pound faster in my chest when I thought of who I could be meeting.  
"I'm sure that you've heard of them, ones from Jackass - Bam Margera, and then one of his bestfriends Brandon Novak." Before she could even finish her sentance I could feel the anxiety building in my chest. I sure as hell knew who they were. I dont doubt the whole world knows who they are. I stared up at Kat for a while longer. I wasnt sure what I was going to do or say. My eyes blurred and were out of focus but I could see her laughing. I blinked and then shook my head a little.  
"Really? Please tell me you aren't kidding me? Are you sure it's not april 1st or something?" I finally thought of me tattooing one of them and the excitement hit my like a brick wall. For years I had loved Bam Margera - anything to do with him acutally. For the last couple years I didn't bother really since I knew that he was married and that well there was no real way that I was going to be with him.  
"Nah, it's all true. Actually we gotta head on over there now, he's sending a car for us so pack up your needles!" Kat jumped up and walked away, leaving the door wide open. I couldn't move for a minute but once I registered that we had to leave I got up and ran to my station. I could see there was a man just inside the front door, who looked like a driver, waiting for us. Kat was already almost completely finished and I started to throw things into the box that I used to travel with. Once Kat was finished I was just shutting the lid and walking over to staand next to her. We each looked at eachother and made sure we had all of our things.  
My mind was racing the whole way there. I wasn`t sure what I was going to say or what I was going to do. Hell I had no idea how to even react around them. I mean they seem like cool people, but I`m just me and no one exiciting. The more I thought about it, the happier I was that I wore a tshirt that had a deep V cut and made sure I looked extra cute.  
The whole way there to the hotel downtown Kat was on and off of her phone making phone calls to other people and answering people back. I watched dowln the street and could see that we were getting closer to the hotel. Once we pulled up the driver came out of the front seat and came around to open the door for us. Kat got out first and I was out right after her. I looked up at the hotel. I had stayed here before but it was one that not many people could afford. I followed Kat threw the front doors and watched as she by passed the desk and headed straight for the elevator. She odviously knew where she was going. It was only her and I on the ride up to nearly the top of the hotel. I tried to hide the nerves that I was getting. Being in the same building as him, let alone the same room in a few minutes.  
Once we were off at nearly the top, I followed Kat as she walked down the long hall way to find the room that we were looking for. She had to stop a couple of times to check her phone but I just waitied patiently as she double checked the number. Fianlly after a few minutes she stopped infront of a door and knocked loudly. She ran her fingers threw her hair to make sure it was right and then looked over to me.  
"Dont worry, they will love you,"  
I smiled back hoping that she was right.


	2. Chapter 2

By the time we had both turned our heads towards the door it was swung open by none other then Novak. He smiled largely when he saw Kat and then smiled as he looked over me.  
"Hey Kat! I haven't seen you in so long! I'm so stoked for you to do these tat's" He stepped aside and let us threw the door.  
"I know man! Oh this is Ashleigh, she was my apprentice and now one of the best tattoo artists in my shop," Kat put her hand on my shoulder and smiled at me. It always felt amazing when Kat would say encouraging things like that to me. I stuck my hand out confidently now towards Novak and smiled.  
"Hey, it's nice to meet you," I watched as his eyes scanned up and down my body quickly and then check my face over again.  
"Hey, it's great to meet you too. I wish Kat told me a long time ago that you were this hot!" Novak smiled. I couldn't help but make my already large smile even larger. I stood there for a moment with Novak while Kat walked over to the table that had been set up and was looking around the large hotel room.  
"Where's Bam?" Kat dropped her purse on the chair and pulled off her jacket. Just after she finished saying that Bam came out of the other room. I couldn't help but admire his tattoo covered body. He was just wearing a pair of jeans. I paused for a second not sure if I should introduce mysely or wait for Kat to do that for me. Kat and Bam smiled hugged and talked for a moment. I stood next to Novak for a minute and waited for Kat to mention my name.  
"Oh Bam! This is Ashleigh, she was my apprentice and as I told Novak that she's one of the best tattoo artists in my shop now," Kat smiled over at me again and then continued what she was saying. "And if you're cool with it Bam, I was thinking that she should do your tattoo? I want her to get the experience of working on other people and gaining new experiences," Kat looked like a proud parent letting their kid finally take over the family buisness.  
I couldn't help but smile at the compliments that Kat was giving me today. Without a hesitation I walked over to Bam and placed my hand out for him to shake. He took it quickly and shook back.  
"Yah thats totally cool. It's nice to meet you. Any friend of Kats is a friend of mine," Bam smirked and then pulled his phone from his pocket. I looked around the room as Kat started to open up her box filled with all her tattoo gear.  
"Hey aren't we going to get lunch first?" Novak popped out of nowhere and had I could see that he was standing unusually close to me. Without saying anything, Bam walked out of the room and came back out a few seocnds later with a shirt on. Kat seemed totally at ease with the guys and it was hard for me to act just like that.

We hung around the hotel room for a few more minutes and then together the four of us left.

I walked behind Kat and Bam and tried to act as normal as I could. I surely didn't look like the other 3 people I was with. I may have my fair share of tattoo's and random peircings but they aren't out in the open as theirs were. I wasn't paying attention to aything when Novack appeared next to me and started talking to me.

"So did you grow up here?" His eyes were sparkling as he looked down at me. I felt my cheeks starting to get hot but I shook my head and ignored it.

"No, I'm not from here. I moved here a little awhile ago though," I smiled cause I appreciated the small talk that he was trying to have with me while Kat and Bam rambbled on the whole way without even breaking a breath.

"Oh really? Where are you from then?" Novak seemed interested enough and when we came to the front doors of the hotel he opened it for me and let me go threw it first. I thanked him and walked next to him, not careing that my boss and her friend were 15 feet infront of us.

"I'm from Vancouver, this deffiently is different from home." I looked up at the buldings that were all cold stone and thought of the tall buildings back home that seemed to be built ith much more character.

"Oh like Canada? Man that city is awesome! I totally loved it there! When bam was there last I went with him. It was so awesome!" Novak and I continued to talk about ourselves as we walked loser to the place that they were wanting to go for lunch. I kept my eyes forward on Kat and Bam, just only every so often letting my eyes look over at Novak. I was starting to notice that Bam kept on looking back at me... or maybe it was us? I wasn't sure but every little bit his eyes would wonder over his shoulder and meet mine. I contiuned to smile and laugh and have a good time. I mean thats part of what you get for working with Kat right? All the amazing experiences!

When we finally came to the resturant I sat down opposite of Kat, with Bam on my right and Novak on my left. Once we sat down everyone ordered something to drink. Kat graciously said no to any alcohol but when it came to everyone else we all agreed to it. I figured just a beer or two would make me feel better, a little more comfortable. I ordered a vodka martini, something simple. When it came to Bams turn to order he suprised me by what he said.

"Ooh vodka martini? Sounds great! I'll have one too," I felt a little honoured that he wanted the same thing as I did and smiled and he smiled over to me. Kat saw the moment of eye contact that Bam and I had together, she started to talk to Novak.

"So how do you like LA so far?" Bam twisted his body a little more so that he was facing me now .

"Well it's deffiently different from home, but it's deffiently awesome here," He smiled and nodded, taking a moment to think.

"Kat said you were from Vancouver, I love that place. There are some crazy party people there," A large smile spread across his face this time as he thought of memories.

"Yah we kinda have a reputation for that," I smiled and laughed the same time Bam did. I felt like I could stare at him for hours, well not in the creepy way I mean. His eyes were so beautiful, they sparkled like little gems. I got lost in the moment of looking into his eyes. It felt like time stopped. Bam was looking stair back into mine. A wave of shivers ran down my spine but I didn't dare move to loose the contact with his eyes. We both didnt move til Novak threw something at Bams face. The look on Bam's face changed instantly as he was caught off gaurd. He looked over and started cursing.

"Dude, what the fuck was that for?" Bam picked the napkin that was off of the table and balled it up to throw back at him. Novak and Kat laughed as if nothing happened. Bam threw the napkin at Novak but it just hit him in the chest.

"Sorry bud, but I had to ruin that little moment of yours there. You two were about to make me puke!" Novak took a swig of beer and looked back and forth between the two of us. I looked over at Kat franticlly not knowing what to do and she just smiled and laughed. I could feel the hot flames starting in my face again and I tried to breath deep enough breathes for it to go away. I looked back at Bam, as much as I didn't want to yet but his cheeks were flushed red like mine. I couldn't help but smile and laugh when I saw them that way. He looked at me for a moment with a confused look.

"What are you laughing about?"

"Youre cheeks, aww how cute your blushing!" I couldn't help but giggle to myself and lean back in my chair for more room to laugh. He watched me as I laughed in my chair and tried to force the smile off my face. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop laughing or smiling. After a few minutes we all had calmed down and we all talked like normal now.

Before food was brought Kat asked if I wanted to go to the bathroom with her, knowing that women always travel in pairs I nodded and pushed my chair behind me. Kat linked her arm threw mine and winked over her shoulder as we walked away.

"What was that wink for?" I couldnt help but question what her motives were for that. Kat smiled a large smile, she looked miscevious.

"Oh nothing," Her smile just got even bigger. Once in the washroom we both in there she paused me by the counter.

"So how do you like Bam?" Her eyes were bright as she asked the question. I placed my hands under the sink faucet to wash them as I thought. I must have been taking to long for her cause she huffed and started to walk away.

"Hey! Slow down their partner! I was just thinking thats all!" I grabbed her arm before she got very far. "He seems nice. Really nice. I love his eyes too, I got caught up in the, - I don't sound crazy do I?" I looked up at my mentor, hoping that she would bring some sort of clarity to me.

"No you dont, I just thought that you might like him," With a smirk on her face she turned to the mirror in the bathroom and played with her hair. I stood next to her, stairing into space a little with my mind racing over a hundred different things I wanted to do with him. Wait – there was something wrong here. I have a boyfriend – wait no a fiancee!

I shook my head and smiled at Kat. I wasn't going to mention it cause i'm sure she forgot about it too. We walked out of the bathroom together and when we were in range of the table I could see Bam's eyes light up when he saw us coming. I wasn't sure what him and Novak were talking about, but they leaned back and acted as if nothing happened.

We sat down and talked about random little things, and finally got onto the topic of music.

"So Ashleigh, whats your fave band?" Novak was leaning closer to me now and smiling as he was nursing her 3rd beer.

"Well theres a couple, I mean you can't go wrong at all with HIM. They are deffiently in my top 3!" I gushed over how I loved them. Who wouldn't right? With a lead singer that good looking it's almost a crime not to want to listen to him sing!

"What? You like him too?" Bam cut us off in the middle of our conversation, The expression on Novaks face twisted and I could tell that he was about to get angrey at Bam. Before he was going to start saying anything I cut in to answer Bam.

"Yah I love them, even have a big HIM tattoo that Kat did when I first got down here," I smiled over at Kat who was smiling back.

"Really? Thats awesome. So do I, I totally love them," Bam smiled and I think I forgot how to breath for a second. "What else do you like?"

"Well, I really like Avenged Sevenfold and you can never do wrong with a little CKY in there too," I smiled and took a sip of my martini, feeling Bam's eyes on me the entire time.

"Really? I love those guys too. Thats great," Bam seemed amazed that I liked these bands. I smiled back at him and for a moment him and I were both caught up with eachother. I heard the squick of the chair that was on my other side and noticed that Novak got up.

"Lets head back to the hotel room, I wanna get this tattooin started!" He picked up his beer and as he started to walk out Kat quickly agreed and sugested that I catch up to him and talk to him about what he wanted her to do for him. I chased after Novak, thankfully he wasnt very far away. He had a cigarette placed in between his lips and was starting to light it. Each time he flicked his lighter it wouldn't start and I could hear him cursing under his breath from 5 feet away. I pulled the lighter that was in my purse out, that I kept in there for occations like these. I flicked the lighter on and held it up infront of Novaks face.

"Thanks, I guess my fuckin' lighter isn't working anymore," he took a deep breath of the toxic fumes and then let it out in a puff of smoke. "Do you smoke?" He held up his pack of smokes, with the top still off.

"Nah, I just like to keep a lighter with me if I ever want to light something on fire," I smiled and that seemd to make Novak smile again. I turned behind me and saw Kat and Bam making their way over to us.

"Ready to go tattoo?" Bam asked while smiling,

"Hell yes!"


	3. Chapter 3

Once we were back in the hotel Kat and I started to get comfortably and ready to tattoo. I started to set up my station while Kat did the same. Patiently on the couch waited Bam and Novak. Once we were set up Kat called Novak over. There was a little look of dissapopintment in Novaks face when he realized that he wasn't gonna be getting tattooed by me. I smiled and called Bam over. He was getting more fillagree added into some of the tattoos on his chest/stomach area.

Bam stopped in front of me and took off his shirt. I tried not to staire yet again. He laid down on the table infront of me and looked up at me. I was adding more fillargee and swirls into the tattoos that were on her chest. I inched my way closer so that my legs were under the table and my ribs were pressed against the edge of it. I picked up the stencle and lightly placed it on his chest. I pressed down and rubbed it in and then peeled it back off. I picked up my tattoo gun and started to work on the lines.

With the running machines it was hard for me to hear Kat and Novak so i figured that I'd just talk to Bam. I searched my mind for topics on what we could talk about, but then Bam inturputed my thought.

"You've got really beautiful eyes," his voice was just a whisper and caught me off guard at how quiet he was. I lifted my foot off of the peddle and looked up at him. Bam's eyes were searching my face.

"Thanks," I could only whisper back it seemed up I gave him a small smile before I got back to working on the tattoo. From that point on I could fell Bam's eyes on my face, searching it each time it was close to his. I waited a few minutes before I said anything back to Bam now.

"I really like your eyes too, I noticed them earlier," I looked up at him and his eyes sparkled this time. The smile that was on his face got bigger.

"Thanks,"

After he thanked me we didn't say anything for the rest of the tattoo. I wasn't rushing or focusing harder then usual, but somehow I was finsiehd Bam's before Kat was finished Novaks.

"Hey would you look at that! The student is surpassing the teacher!" Bam stood up and laughed as he walked past Kat and Novak to the bathroom mirror. I followed Bam into the small bathroom to watch his expression. I wanted to make sure he like it.

"Oh my god! This looks amazing! You tattoo just the exact same way Kat does!" Bam looked in the mirror at the tattoo that was now larger on his chest. I smiled as I watched him look at it and go on about how much he liked it.

"Oh well youre welcome," I smield and laughed at how excited he seemed to be. I left the bathroom quickly to get the stuff to bandage it up. When I came back with everything there wasn't enough room with the door open for me to put everything down so I kicked it shut behing me. I instrucked Bam to sit down on the closed toilet and turned to get the gell for on top of it. I came around again and to catch Bam stairing back up at me. I stopped mid movement and locked eyes with him. I crouched down so that I was eye level with his chest and lightly started to spread the gell. I felt Bams eyes on me the whole time. I turned and got the wrap and startd to press it to his chest where the tattoo was.

I pulled my gloves off and threw them in the trash, I could feel every nerve in my body truning into static knowing that he was standing this close to me. I turned around to make sure that everything was on right and didnt expect what I saw.

Bam was almost face to face with me, if it wasn't for the few inches he was taller then me, I would be able to look into his eyes. Our bodies were only inches apart as I looked up into his face. I tried to read the look, but wasn't sure what it meant. I could pratcially see the blots of electricity that were running between our bodies. Before anything else happened there was a knock on the door. That knock reminded us both how to breath.

"Well I guess you know how to take care of tattoo's properly then," I said jokingly to releave a little tension. Bam smiled and chuckled to himself.

"Dont tell me you guys are screwing in there!" Novak yelled threw the door and Bam and I just looked at each other. He didn't make a move so I took this as my chance to do something. I ran my fingers threw Bam's hair messing it up just a little more, and then smeared my lip gloss a little. I smiled at the look of us in the mirror. Not only did we look good together . But the joke that we were going to play on them was going to be great too.

I opened the bathroom door and saw Kat and Novak both standing there looking at us. Kat had a somewhat shocked yet amused look on her face, while Novak had a much more shocked and angered look on his face. Bam must have noticed and pushed past me and started to follow Novak as he walked away from us. I told Kate quietly that it was a joke, and she laughed her head off. Bam did too, until he had to go deal with Novak.

"Well Bam, I guess Ash and I should be off. It's been a long day and we've got a busy day tomorrow too,"

I didn't want to leave, I wanted to stay here with Bam. I thught that threw my head a few more times and then realized how weird that sounded. Waiting at home for me right now was my fiancee.

I said goodbye to both my new friends, I gave them each a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Bam tried to hold me longer, and in a weird way I didn't want to let go either. Kat and I left the hotel both thinking. I'm not sure if she was thinking about work, but the only thing that was running threw my mind was Bam.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey baby! You're finally home. How was work?" Lawrences voice startled me from my thoughts as I walked in threw the front door. He was sitting on the couch with a book in his hand. I smiled over at him thinking I was crazy for having thought I wasn't attracted to him. He was gorgeous!

"Hey babe," I dropped my things at the door and walked over to him. I sat down on his lap and wrapped my arms around him. "Work was long but interesting. I got to go out on the town with Kat to meet some of her friends," I kissed him quickly between parts of my story, "So we went out and I met Bam Margera and his friend Novak. They were hillarious, they took us out to lunch and we hung out in their hotel room for a couple of hours-"

"What were you doing in their hotel room?" Lawrences voice changed as I could tell that he was starting to get annoyed.

"Well we hang out, tattooed – what else do I do," I got up from his lap sorta annoyed at the fact that he snapped like that. Maybe being with Bam wasn't such a bad idea. The thought came out of no where and suddenly I was thinking about instead of being with Lawrence I was with Bam. I shook the thought from my head as soon as I could and walked into the bedroom. My mind ran a hundred feet per-second and I started to get angery out of no where.

"Babe whats wrong?" I heard Lawrence get up and start to make his way over to me. I picked up my things and started to make for the bathroom. If I got there before him I could just lock the door and ignore him. My hand was on the door knob when he finally caught up to me. He grabbed my arm with a hard hand and pulled me towards him. I jerked around and my bak hit the wall. Lawrence placed a hang on each side of my shoudlers and looked down into my face.

"Whats wrong?" His voice growled this time and I didn't want to answer him. His body was starting to press up against mine and I pushed my head to the side. Lawrence pressed his lips against the top part of my jaw. I held my breath and tried to get away from him. I wriggled away a little but he pushed me back against the wall. He pushed my face to he could press his lips to mine forcfully and then started to kiss me. I could feel his hands rushing all over my body, why he forced his way on to me. I broke away from the kiss and looked up to him with a questioning look.

"Lawrence, whats wrong with you?" I tried to pull myself away again now. He paused and looked at me for a seocnd. He shook his head and walked away. "Sleep on the couch tonight, I need to be alone,"

I didn't want him to sleep with me anymore now that he did what every that was just right now. I didn't bother with the shower anymore and just went straight to the bed room. I locked the door behind me and started to pull my clothes off. I was so lost in my thought and was barely wearing anything when I noticed that Lawrence had gotten threw the locked door. I turned around to him to tell him to leave, but he threw me onto the bed. I tried to tell him to get off but before I could say anything his hand was over my mouth and he was pressing my head into the bed.

An hour later, I laid there still crying. My body cringed with different pains that I had never felt before. I laid on the floor, curled into a tight ball trying hard not to think of what had just happened. Lawrence had violated me more then anyone ever had. My one leg could barely move, I'm not sure what he had done to it while he raped me, but I could barely put any body weight on to it. I picked up my bra and started to crawl to the door. Each movement I made, I tried to make as little noise that I could as I crawled out of the room.

Once I was on the other side of the door I tried to get up. I pulled on dirty clothe that were from the floor and inched my way over to my phone. I picked it up quickly and hit speed dial to the last person I had called. When I looked at the screen, I only hoped that Kat could help me.

"Ash? It's like 2 in the morning. Why are you calling me?" Kats voice sounded raspy and I could hear her cat meowing in the background.

"Come get me – please. I – I – I need your help,"my voice was just a whisper but from the other end I could hear her starting to move and get out of bed.

"Where are you? What happened?" Her voice was just more urgent now and I heard her stummbling around her hosue.

"La- lawrence – I can't move," I could feel the tears starting to run down my cheeks faster then ever as I tried to pull on whatever clothes that were on the ground near me. I was now in the living room making my way to my door. I paused when I could hear movement behind me. I felt terror start to grip at my lungs maknig it impossible for me to breath.

"Kat. I'm at my place, please call the police – something hes coming!" As I finished telling Kat what to do I could hear the footsteps of Lawrence coming over to me now. Each one was heavy footed and scared me.

"What the hell are you doing?" His voice was another low growl as he grabbed the leg that was sore and used it to yank me towards him. He rolled me over from my stomach on to my bback wherehe started to pull at the clothes that I had put on.

Lawrence moved so that he was ontop of me straddling my hips and stomach. He looked down at me with a look of anger on his face. Without any warning he swung and hit me in the face hard with his fist. I gasped and felt the wind behing knocked out of my lungs. I felt my eyes roll back into my head and everything go black.


	5. Chapter 5

"Ashleigh, hunny, wake up, come on wake up!" I started to twist when I heard the sound of Kats voice. I lifted my eyes open and looked up at her. I was laying on her couch at her home. My mind started to race and reminded me of everything that was happening. I jerked up and looked around. Panic gripped at my chest and I looked around. The only people that were in the room were Kat and I. Before I even realized it there were tears running down my face. Kat pulled me into a hug and let me cry for however long I needed to.

"You're going to move in with me ok?"

- 2 months later-

I looked at myself in the mirror. There was still a small cut under my eye from the last time I saw Lawrence. I looked down at my hand and saw the ring that he gave me still there. Part of me wanted to get ride of it, and the other part of me wanted to keep it – not knowing if we'd ever actually get back together.

Since that night, Kat had been by my side every day for me. Every tear that I cried fell on her shoulder and every word I said went in threw her ears. It was just past dinner time on a sunday, the day that Kat and I each had off. I finished washing my hands and walked into the kitchen to see that Kat on the phone with someone.

Out of curtosy I didn' pay attention to what she was saying and put down our plates on the kitchen table. I put down two for us and then started to put other things for dinner on the table. We weren't sure what we were getting but when I did hear what Kat was saying she sounded like she was ordering something to eat. When she finally hugn up, i looked over at her with a questioning look.

"Order dinner?" I picked up my glass of water and took a sip of it. A smile came across her face.

"You could say that, good with some chinese food?" Kat walked into her office without waiting for my answer.

I walked into the smaller room that Kat had made into my office so that I had my own. I sat down and looked at the door. There was no one there and that was what I was wanting. I pulled open the drawer next to me and picked up the envelope that I had kept photos in from the last couple months. There were photos from the last couple of months that were good and bad. I stopped when I came to the photo of Lawrence and I were on our vacation,when he asked me ot marry him. I paused at that and then dropped the rest of the photos on the desk and left the one of us in my hand.

I got up and walked over to the garbage can that was in the corner. I started to tare away at the picture, maknig it into as many tiny pieces that I could. Each rip I made was persise and delicate. I got lost in the thought and when there was a knock on the door i quickly ripped the rest of it apart and started for the door.

"Hel-" I paused when I looked at who was standing on the other side of the door. There stood Bam and Novak, with their arms full of food. Each one of them were smiling largely at me.

"Come on in! Oh my god!" I stepped back and let the guys in. I yelled up the stairs for Kat to come down stairs but she was already in the kitchen setting out another two plates for us. Novak walked into the kitchen first leaving Bam and I to stand together for a minute alone.

"Hey so.. how are you?" Bam took another step towards me and looked down at me. I was starting to feel that electric feeling that had first ran threw my body when we had first met.

"Uhm, I'm guessing you've heard," I scratched my arm not to sure how to react. "But dealing with it eevery day has been tough," I looked back up into Bams face and saw a sinsir look that was looking back at me. "What about you Bam? I haven't heard anything from you for a while, everything ok?" I placed my hand on his arm and patted it lightly. A jolt ran threw my body and I noticed Bam jerk at the same thing.

"Well," He looked down at the ground and I could tell from his face that there was something wrong too. "I've been having a rough time. I left my wife, Missy, she was getting so... controling. So she moved out and everything. That happened when i got back home from the lasst time I saw you," From the tone of his voice it was easy to tell that he was still sorta upset about it. It was easy to hear the loneliness in it.

"Oh Bam, I'm so sorry,' I closed the last step between us and wrapped my arm around him giving him a half hug. He acccepted it quickly and mentioned that we should probably be heading into the kitchen with the rest of the food.

When Bam and I finally got into the kitchen after a few moments of talking I noticed that Kat seemed super exctied about something. I took the food from Bams hands to let him sit down and relax. I pulled everything out of the bag that he was holding and started to place everything on the counter , next to everything that was already out. Bam, Kat and Novak talked about some castle and how much fun it was gooing to be. I looked at the three of them who seemed all excited about whatever they were talking about.

"So Ash, have you been anywhere else other then LA since you've been here?" Bam asked once I had finally sat down with a plate full of food.

"Ah.. Actually no, just sorta the LA area. Don't have the time go to go traveling with all of the work that Kat gives me," I shot a smile in her direction and she just laughed. I watched as Bam glanced over to Kat and watch her nod about something.

"Then why dont you come with us to WestChester? We are flying back in the morning and I was wondering if you wanted to come and hang out with us," Bam was smiling up at me and as I picked up his plate once he was finished. I paused at the shock of the question. No one had ever asked such a thing of me. I glanced over at Kat before I could say anything.

"You gotta come with us Ash, it's always sooo much fun over at castle Bam!" Kat picked up her and Novaks plates and placed them in the sink when I was rinsing my off. I was so shocked I didn't know what to say.

I tried to open my mouth to say something, but nothing could come out. I looked over at Bam who was smiling largely at me.

"I guess that means yes!" Bam got up and came over and put his arm around me. "Welcome to the group!" Bam seemed so excited about the trip back to his placce he almost seemed giddy.

After a few hours of hanging out, Novak got a call from someone and he had to leave to go see her. It was starting to get near midnight and Kat didn't stay up that late so she wondered up to her room. Bam and I sat together at the kitchen table each picking at the lable of our beers.

"So, have you talked to your ex at all?" Bams question startled me and I looked up at him as his eyes wondered across my face. I let my own eyes search his face before my mind started to think about Lawrence.

"No," I lifted my beer and took a sip of it before I wanted to continue on with anything else. "Hes been in jail since then. I think they are moving him back to Canada. The charges against him are pretty high," Kat must have not told Bam anything sine he looked completely lost in what I was talking about. I gulped down my breath quickly and then looked up at Bam.

"He raped me, then when i was trying to get away, he had fractured my ankle, he beat me up and then raped me again," I could feel tears starting to sing in the corners of my eyes. I tried to blink them away but I couldn't. "When Kat found me I was unconcious and Lawrence was still on top of me,"

A few tears started to run down my cheeks and I tried to rub them off with the back of my hand. Bam's eyes were burning holes into my cheeks but I tried not to look at him. I fiddled with the ring on my thumb when I felt two warm hands grab mine. My eyes darted towards my hands. They were covered by a pair of tattooed ones that I wasn't used to. I followed up the arms that matched the hands, they were covered in tattoos as well. At the top of the shoulders was Bam's face. I wasn't expecting that.

My eyes started to water more when they met his. With just a light tug Bam pulled me out of the chair and over to him. He stood up and pulled me towards him. I rested my head in the crook of his neck as he wrapped his arms around me. I cried into his chest as he rubbed my back slightly with his hands.

I wasn't sure how long we stood there for but my eyes were so sore and tired from crying I could barely open them.

"Do you want me to take you to bed?" Bam whispered softly into my ear. I nodded with little energy that I had, and pulled away slightly from him. I was about to unwrapp my arms from around his waist when Bam's finger slid under my chin. He pulled my face up so that it was just a few inches from his.

"It'll be ok. He not here anymore, it'll never happen again ok?" His voice was a whisper again, and his eyes were peircing mine as I looked back up at him. I couldn't open my mouth and say anything. I just nodded and blinked in the last few tears. Bam smiled a little smile that made a warm feeling spread threw my chest. I tried to smile back but it was a pathetic attempt. For some reason I didn't want to let go, I wanted to stand there for a lot longer. My mind wondered again, at the thought of what it would be like to be with him.

I dropped my hands from around his waist and took another step back. Bam was still smiling at me, I was guessing he was trying to make me feel better still. I started to stumble my way over to the stairs, I guess I really must have been alot more tired then I originally thought I was. Bam came up and wrapped his arm around my waist and started to walk with me. When he came to the stairs he told me to walk up first and that he was going to walk behind me. I felt him place a hand on each side of my hips and make sure that I didn't fall. Normally I'd tweak for someone thinking that I couldn't walk by myself, but I was to tired and drained to even care.

I made my way to the bathroom quickly before I headed to my room, and when I walked into my room Bam had turned on the lamp next to my bed and had pulled back the blanket. He was sitting on the edge of the bed with a picture frame in his hand. On my night stand I kept a photo of the first time Kat and I went out for a staff party – the staff party that was welcoming me into the shop.

"I have this same picture at home," He didn't look up at me when I walked into the room but looked to his side when I sat down next to him. "Just after this picture was taken, Kat sent me the picture saying you were the new member of High Voltage. You guys are amazing friends," I smiled as I listened to his story of Kat. It warmed my heart to hear even more amazing stories of Kat.

"She's incredible, I don't know what I'd do without her now," I lifted the photo out of Bam's hands and held it in my own for a moment. In the photo Kat and I stood next to each other, smiling largly while I held up a High Voltage shirt. I smiled to myself and then placed the photo back on the night stand.

"Do you want me to get you some blankets? I mean I can go sleep on the couch if you want to stay here," I stood up getting ready to walk to the hall closet where there were a few extra blankets. Bam laughed and stood up.

"Nah, I'll be good. You head to bed. We gotta get up early, I've slept on Kat's couch many times," Bam smiled and walked past me closing the door lightly.

I stood there for a second, not really knowing what actually just happened. It seemed the whole night went by in a blurr and suddenly it was night. I walked towards my bed, dropping pieces of clothing off on the floor. I tried to think about work, and how we were goign to to to WestChester, but my mind wouldn't stray from the thought of Bam. Even when I thought his name I felt it flitter threw my head and make my body tingle. I thought of how he comforted me. How his touch felt like an electric shot.

I laid down in bed, thinking of everything Bam. I was going to spend the next couple of days with him, and just the thought of that made me want to jump up out of bed and start running out of my room. I fell asleep, smiling, and thinking of Bam.


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey wake up sunshine! We've got a plane to catch!" I woke up to Novak shaking me awake. I grumbled and rolled over to look at my clock. It was 6 in the morning. Oh god.

"Get out so I can get up." I pulled the blanket over my head, not wanting to get up but knowing that I had to.

"What it's not like I haven't seen anything that you got before," There was a tone of sass in his voice.

"Ha Ha Ha, get out so I can get my shit together," I sat up, throwing a pillow at him. He laughed and shut the door behind himself. Inside my closet was a suit case that I was going to have to pack still. Shit.

I got up and started to throw whatever I thought that I was going to need for however long that we were going to be gone for. It only took me 20 minutes and by the time there was another knock on my door I was just pulling my shirt on over my head.

"Come in!" I leant down to zip up my suit case and turned around to see Bam standing there in the door. "Oh good morning, didn't think you were up yet," I smiled over at him as I wheeled my suit case over to the door.

"Yah normally I'm not up early, ever – but Novak woke me up when he got here at some god forsaken hour," Bam rubbed his eyes and yawned again. I laughed at the tired Bam ,and tried to resist my own yawn. I scooted past Bam and started to pull my suitcase to the top of the stairs. It wasn't that heavy but it was heavy enoguh for me to struggle with it down the stairs. I stopped at the top of the stairs and looked down in dread. There was no way I was goinng to get this suit case down the stairs without hurting myself. While I was debating what I was going to do next, Bam came up behind me and took the suit case and started moving down the stairs. He got half way down before I tried to stop him.

"Bam what are you doing! I could have brought it down myself!" I started down the stairs after him only to trip on my own pant leg and start to fall. I couldn't help but scream as I fell into Bam. My body crashed into his and we both started to fall down the remainder of the stairs. I wasn't exactly sure what was happening but when I finally started to feel my whole body ache I knew that the tumble had stopped. I groaned and opened my eyes. Juat an inch from mine there was a pair that was stairing back at me. I knew exactly whose eyes those were as I staired back.

I wasn't sure how long we laid there for, but slowly I saw his eyes moving closer to mine. I felt my lips tingle, wanting their own attention from Bam. I lifted my lips to meet his in our gaze when we both heard Kat and Novak come into the room.

"Woow! What the fuck is happening here?" Novak's voice was the first that I heard and Bam quickly pushed himself off of me and stood up. I put my hand over my eyes, sheilding the light and trying to hide from the looks that I knew that I was getting.

"Ash fell down the stairs and crashed into me," Bam put out his hand for me to take. I grabbed it with ease and he pulled me to my feet. There were odd looks on both Kat's and Novak's faces when I looked back and forth between them. I could tell that there was a look of dount on Kat's face, and that it looked like she was going to want to say something to me later.

"Well the cars here guys," Kat pulled the handle up from her own suitcase and started to wheel it to the door. Behind me was my suit case on the floor and I turnd it right side up and wheeled it to the door.

We all pilled into the car and the ride to the airport was silent. We all walked into the airport together and stayed together the whole time, yet there was nothing spoke between the four of us. I watched as little girls came up to Bam and asked him for a photo or a signature. There was a part of me that flared up everytime I watched his eyes look over some young girl and hug them like he knew them. I turned away and was caught by Kat, who was watching me watching him. She nodded towards the side and I walked over to her. We walked about 20 feet from the guys and she stopped and gave me a serious look.

"What are you doing?" Kat's voice was serious, much more serious then I had heard it in a while.

"What do you mean?" I felt my eyebrows furrow and the expression change on my face.

"You know exactly what I mean Ash," I paused, trying to think of what I should say back to her now. "Ashleigh, you've only been away from Lawrence for 2 months. There is no way you are ready for a new relatioship. And I know Bam, and neither is he. He's a great guy but if you don't stop this now you're just going to be his rebound," Each word stung as I thought of them. It felt like they were being burned into my skin. I knew she was right though. I could barely have male clients in the shop cause me emotions were still fried from being with Lawrence. I felt the common wave of sadness wash over me, just like every time that I think of him.

"Yah," I ouldn't help but sign. "You're right." I sat down on the closet bench and did everything I could not to look over at him until we got onto the plane.

Once we were on the plane, the steritisit had convienently sat me next to Bam. I looked up at the seat infront of me. Everything I could do not to look over at Bam. We had been up in the air for an hour or so when he finally broke the silence.

"Whats wrong?" Bam's voice was just a whisper but I still didn't look over at him.

"What do you mean whats wrong?" I tried to make my voie sound as if nothing was wrong, when I'm sure he could see straight threw my lies.

"You're not talking. And it's obvious that you're thinking or upset about something," I wanted to bite my tongue when Bam said that. Normally no one could read what I was feeling but some how Bam got it right on the dot. I figured there was no point in trying to hide it anymore.

"Kat just said something to me that I'm over analyzing or something like that," I looked over at him and saw the worried expression that was on his face.

"What did she say?" He turned in his seat so that his body was facing me. I glanced over to my other side and saw that Novak and Kat were both asleep. I twisted in my chair so that I was facing him.

"She's just trying to look out for me I guess. She think's I'm getting to close to you, or you're getting to close to me – which ever order you want," I shrugged my shoulders and looked up at him. His face was in thought for a minute before it changed.

"Well," he started and then paused looking back at me this time, "What do you think?" Bam's question caught me off guard, again.

"Uhm," My mind raced for me in tryimng to think of what the right thing to say was. "Well she said that she doesn't think I'm ready to be around another guy yet and that you just leaving your wife-"

"I don't care what she said, what do you think," Bam cut me off and was short with what he said. I closed my mouth and looked at him for a second, not sure what to think, say or if I should even breath with himt his close to me.

"Well," I took in a deep breath, thinking of the most logical answer. "I dont like being alone, and I'm really really lonely. I just don't feel right when I'm alone if that makes any sence," I looked behind me to make sure that Kat and Novak were still sleeping, last thing I wanted was for Kat to wake up and hear what I was saying or for Novak to hear and either tell her or get mad at Bam for whatever he was going to say back.

"I just really like your company if that makes sence," I looked up into Bam's face and it was serious. His eyes were on me, but it was easy to tell that he was in deep thought of something. When the expression on his face finally shifted a smile formed on his lips.

"I really enjoy your company to," His smile got larger and he placed his hand on top of mine, which was on the armrest between the two of us. Electricity shot threw me and I suddenly felt completely awake. I wasn't sure what was going to happen with Bam but I was starting to like what was happening.

The rest of the flight, Bam and I sat in silence. His hand stayed plaed ontop of mine just perfectly. Once we landed and Kat and Novak were awake we stayed away from eachother. It must have been some unworded message between the two of us. We went threw the airport, got our lugage and then started to head towards, what they were calling it, Castle Bam.


	7. Chapter 7

On our way to Castle Bam we dropped off Novak at his parents place and thne continued to make our way there. I was shocked when we pulled up to a huge house, that actually really did look like a castle.

"Bam! Is this really yours?" I got out of the car and looked around. There was land everywhere that I could see , which forests and interesting things everywhere. I heard Bam laugh behind me.

"Yah this is mine," He walked past me pulling his own suit case and started to unlock the door. I waited for Kat to get her suitcade out and her and I together headed towards his huge front door. We walked past the threash hold into a huge living room with fire place and large windows. Bam and Kat both started their way up stairs to where ever that lead and I stood at the bottom not sure where to go.

"Aren't you gonna come up?" Bam's head poked over the banister at the very top and looked down at me.

"Uhm, are there rooms up there?"

"Yah of course! Theres one here for you," Bam smiled down at me and I started to pull my things up the stairs.

Once I was at the top, Bam came out of his room with an arm full of laundry.

"Here, follow me, i'll show you to your room," He dropped everything over the edge of the banister and started to lead me into a room. The room was large with a huge bed in the middle of it against the far wall. There were large windows that spread it's light aross the sheets and blanket. The walls were a dark red colour, almost like a crimson and everything else in the room was black. I stood in awe of the beautiful room and didn't hear a single word that Bam was saying to me.

"Oh um, ssorry what was that?" I turned to him after I had my momnet of admiration. He was looking into my face with a look that I had never seen before.

"Oh just here's your room and stuff. Theres extra blankets if you need them since it's colder here then LA," He walked over to the closet and opened up to show a couple of blankets.

"You do know I'm from Canada right? I mean I can handle the cold here perfectly well without an extra blanket," I raised and eyebrow and looked at him if he was joking.

"Right," Bam paused and then started to laugh. "I totally forgot about that," He closed the closet. "Well I guess I'll leave you for a little bit to unpack and whatever," Bam backed out of the room before I could say anything else and dissapeared somewhere.

I sat on the edge of the bed thinking of everything that had just happened. Just a few years ago I never thought I'd be here, sitting in Bam Margera's guest room, cause I was friends with him and he invited me and Kat Von D to hang out. My mind started to spin, I was having a very surreal moment. It felt like the world was spinning around me so I laid back against the bed. The blanket was so soft I could almost curl up and fall asleep in it, even though it was still early in the afternoon. I resisted my urge to fall asleep and just laid there with my eyes open for a few minutes.

In the middle of my unpacking progress Kat came wondering into my room.

"So you like it here?" She sat on the edge of the bed while I tucked my clothes way into the set of drawers that were against the opposite wall.

"Yah, this place is amazing! I couldn't believe you guys wanted me to come along with me. Thank you so much," I turned and noticed that she was looking at her phone. "Is something wrong?"

"Oh, nah," She looked up at me quick and then back to her phone. "Just my sister booked me some appointments and promo stuff while I'm on this side of the country. I think I'm going to have to head to the city," She was clicking feircly on her phone.

"City?" I felt the anxiety build in my chest. I wasn't sure if that meant that we both went of if she went by herself and left me here.

"Yah, Shit. I've got some appointments. Looks like I gotta pack up again," Kat stood up and walked over to me. "I know I'm leaving you in a house alone with Bam. No matter how good looking he is or how ever charming his is, dont' do anything. You both are very important to me and I don't want to have to take care of the both of you at the same time," She placed a hand on each one of my shoulders and staired me down as she spoke.

"ok," For some reason that was the only thing that I could get my mind and body to say to her threat. Normally I was terrified of a threat from Kat, she was my boss and bestfriend, but there was something different about this one.

She stood there for a few more seconds and studied my face and then dropped her arms to her sides. Kat didn't say anything else befoer she made her way out of the room. I leant up against the dresser, my mind a whirl wind again. She seemed very adiment about Bam and I not getting together.

I finished putting the last bit of my things away and started to wonder the house. Bam was laying on his bed with the remote in his hand. I knocked on the door frame and when he looked over and noticed that it was me he sat up quickly.

"Hey," I smiled in.

"Hey," Bam staired at me for a moment while a show in the background showed some interview of him from when he was in LA.

"Can I come in?" I had been standing at the door for a few minutes now. Bam quickly stood up and went to make his way over to the TV.

"Oh yah sure, sorry just watching the proof's of the interviews I did out there," He was about to turn them off before I said something.

"Dont stop, really. Just watch them thats cool, just wanted some company. Kat's leaving," I walked a few feet into the room and made my way halfway between the bed and Bam. He stopped and walked slowly back over to the bed.

"Yah thats what she just came in and told me. Are you going to go with her?" When he asked the last part you ould tell that there was a tone of sadness in his voice.

"Nope. You're stuck with me – and partly because I wasn't schedualed for anything," I sat on the edge of the bed and looked up at the TV. On the screen there was Bam with Novak next to him talking about the filming of Jackass 3D. I sat there silently until the interview ended and Bam had gotten up to put the next one in.

"So, did you get the same lecture form Kat?" Bam asked over his shoulder as he read threw the different disks that all had different interviews on them. He popped one in and then walked back over and sat nex to me on the edge of his bed.

"Oh lord, what did she say to you? Cause she said to me that we were both to important to her for her to have to take care of both of us," I was scared at what I thought Kat might of said to him when he mentioned that she had said something to him. I knew it was in the better for me, but I still didn't want her saying something that would effect his opinion of me.

Bam laughed to himself and pressed play on the interview. I wanted to interupt him and ask him what she had said to him. I tried to wait patently, but everything that was going on in my head was starting to scare me. Once the interview was over I turned to Bam. He got up to move but I grabbed his arm.

"Well? What did she say to you?" He heard the nervous waver that was in my voice. He paused and put the remote down and sat down next to me again. Bam picked my hand off of his arm and held it in his as he sat next to me.

"She told me not to hurt you," His eyes were piercing up at me and I had to look away. My heart felt like it was beating a million beats per minute as I tried to register what he had just said. I looked down at my hands placed in his. With his thumbs, he was slowly swirling circles into the back of my hands. The chills from that shot up my arms and ran down my spine quickly.

The moment ended quickly, just like usual with Bam, when we both heard Kat calling us from the bottom of his stairs. We got up together and walked out of the room as if we had just been talking.

"Yah?" He leaned against the banister and I stood a few feet from him.

"I gotta go guys, I've got a few days booked solid. Here and there I might need you Ash, but I'll call you or Bam if I need you. Bam take care of my girl," She gave Bam a hard look and then her eyes went to me. "Ash, make sure Bam doesn't die and hurt himself," She gave me a hard look to, which was obvious what she was trying to tell me telepathically.

Bam was laughing and I laughed lightly and just nodded.

"Have fun! Let me know when you're finished, maybe Ash and I will head into town and come see you if you have a night free," Bam waved over the banister as she started to make her way to the door.

I ran down the stairs quick, trying to catch up to her. There was a cab out front waiting for her so I gave her a quick hug before she left. With a strong look she reminded me of what she had said earlier as the cab pulled away.

I walked back into the house to hear noise coming from downstairs now.

"Bam?" I called out, not sure where he was in this huge house.

"I'm down here!" from the second set of stairs there were, the ones that went down though, I heard his voicce trail up from them. I started to decend down them and saw a large kitchen with a large table and small living room attached.

"Hungry?" Bam was diggig threw the fridge and all I saw was his butt. I couldn't help but stair as he dug threw the fridge.

"Yah, what are you thinking?" I walked over and peered over him, to see into the fridge. There wasn't much in there so I leant back and was starting on things that were easy to make with the few things that were in there.

"I'm thinking," He stood up and turned towards me with a smile on his face. "We go out for dinner?" He shut the door behind him and leaned his back up against it.

"Sure, that works," I couldn't help but smile back when he smiled at me. His smile got larger.

"Great, ok well I'm going to go get changed. Do you have something nice to wear with you?" Bam started to walk out of the kitchen and I slowly followed him up the stairs to the main floor and then up the stairs to our rooms.

"Yup, I figured at some point I was going to need something nice to wear," I stood in my door way and watched him as he walked to his, which was the door just to the left of mine.

"Great, get it on and get ready!"


	8. Chapter 8

I looked my self up and down in the mirror several times before I opened the door. My tight black dress fitted me perfectly, wrapping around each curve just the right way. It stopped just a few inches about my knee and had thin strapps at the top. It didn't swing low enough to show lots of clevage but there was enough to tell that I had good looking clevage. I wore my plain black heels, that were only 4inches high. I desided to leave my hair straight and had a little black eyeliner on.

I took one last deep breath before I deisded it was time to leave the room. I could hear Bam downstairs in the living room with the TV on. He must have been watching some more of his interviews downstairs while he waited for me. I opened my door as quietly as I could, but once it was open a few inches I heard the TV shut off and his stand up.

"Are you ready?" I heard his voice calling from downstairs and I stopped at the top of the stairs.

"Yah, I'm ready," Once he heard my voice I heard his foot steps as they made their way to the bottom of the stairs. I didn't want ot look at him yet, so I focused my eyes on my feet and watching myself go down each step. When I was half way down I couldn't resist the urge and I looked down at Bam.

I stopped in the middle of the stairs when I saw how gorgeous he looked. He was wearing plain black dress pants with a dark purple button up shirt. I was expecting him to have it buttoned up just a few but it was up all the way. On top of his shirt, he had a suit looking jacket on top.

Once he saw me he stopped too. His eyes were wide and they sparkled up at me. We stood there looking at each other for a minute before I moved down the last few steps.

"Wow," He breathed once I was at the bottom. "You look gorgeous," He was smiling and even as we walked towards the door I felt his eyes on me the whole time.

"Thank you," I felt my heeks get hot and flush as I registered the complement. "You look great yourself," I smiled over at him as he pulled the door open for me. We stopped and smiled at each other before we headed towards his car. I followed him over to a dark purple coloured car. He opened the door for me and that was then when I realized that it was a Lamborgini. I stopped in my tracks for a second and thne looked back and forth between him and the car.

I bit my lip lightly and slid into the passanger seat of the car. Bam got to the other side quickly and before I knew it we were off on our way to dinner.

The ride was silent, except for the quiet music that was playing on the radio. I hummed along with HIM as a CD must have been playing in the system. I had no idea where we were going so I let my gaze wonder out the window at everything that went by. After a while we finally pulled into the parking lot of a resturant that looked like it had a french name. I smiled and unbuckled my seat belt. By the time I was trying to get out Bam puled the door open for me. He was smiling down at me.

I stood up and straightened my skirt and looked at him. After locking the doors to the car he extended his elbow to me and I slpped my arm threw his. I walked with him slowly towards the front doors. Once we were inside I knew that there were eyes all over us, but especially me – since I came in on his arm I was now a target.

Once the waitrest saw us she quickly pulled us into the back room where there was a beautifully decorated table that was only for two. There were candles everywhere in the VIP room and large boquets of red roses.

"Oh Bam, You didnt have to do this," I looked over at him and he was smiling down at me.

"Of course I did. I wanted to make you happy," My heart metled when Bam said that, and then smiled at me. He walked me over to the chair and pulled it out for me. Bam went and sat down just in time for the waitress to walk back in with a bottle of champange and menu's in her hand. She didn't say a word to us, maybe by Bams requst but she was quickly out of the room just as quickly as she came in.

Bam poured the champange into our two tall flutes and picked up his. I picked mine up and smiled as him over the candles and flowers.

"A toast to.." Bam paused to a second to think of what he was going to say. "A toast to us," He smiled even larger and then clicked his glass with mine.

Bam and I sat together, talking about whatever came to mind. My sides were starting to hurt because I was laughing so much. When dinner was finished We were both leaning over the table trying to get as close as we could to eachother. My hands were placed on top of the table, where Bam was holding them tightly. By the time we had dessert we could barely keep our eyes off of each other.

Two hours had passed and I laughed at the fact that it felt like we had been there only for 2 minutes. As Bam went to pay I smiled at him, thanking him again, and walked into the bathroom. Inside there were a few other girls doing their thing. I sat my small purse on the counter and clicked it open to get my lipgloss inside. I must have been so aborbed into the thought of going home with Bam now, that I didn't hear the other girls walk up to me and start talking.

"Who are you?" One of them crossed her arms over her chest and scowled at me.

"Uhm I'm someone?" like hell I was going to give my name to some strange girls in a bathroom.

"Well odviously your not, that you think you can be out with Bam like this. He's to good for you, you white trash!" One of the girls was almost yelling, she looked pissed. Thats when it clicked, Missy and one of her friends were standing next to me. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself down and be the adult about this situation – and it was going to be great to kill her with a little kindness.

"Well that's Bam's chose. Not yours, not mine. I'm just his friend, we met threw my boss who happens to be good friends with him. Now if you excuse me, he's waiting for me," I gave the two of them a small smile and started towards the door. Behind me I heard the two girls conspiring quickly as I was making my break for it. I didnt want confrontation really, I just wanted a nice night out with my friend, my incredibly attractive friend... my incredibly attractive nicest guy i've ever met friend.

"Missy you can't just let that whore walk outta here!" Her friend was pushing Missy towards me as I tried to escape out of the bathroom.

"Youre right! You damn well better not touch him! He's mine! Him leaving me cause he thought I was to mean and controling was me only trying to make his life better in the end! He'll realize that and then come back to me," Missy crossed her arms across her chest and gave me a smirk that screamed take that. I paused with my half my body out the bathroom door already, and spit my last bit of arsenel.

"Well for Bam's sake, I hope he just finds someone better then you," I slipped the rest of my body threw the door and pulled it closed behind me. At the front door Bam stood patentinly waiting for me as he fiddled with one of the rings on his fingers.

"Ready to go?" I stopped next to him and smiled. He smiled and instead of pushing his elbow outwards for me to slip my arm threw, he took my hand in his and laced his fingers threw mine. Chills ran down my spine as his warm hand met mine.

The ride home was quiet, and from what I rmemebered on the way here it was about 30 or 40 minutes. I figured while he was calm that I should tell him about Missy.

"So I ran into someone in the bathroom," I rubbed circles into the back of his hand this time with his thumb, he squeezed my hand lightly and placed it back on the steering wheel.

"Well it's sorta a public place, you're going to see people there," He laughed and then looked over at me.

"Yah I guess thats true," I laughed and then stopped when I thought of what I was going to tell him, "But the person I ran into there wasn't so random," Bam stopped at a red light and looked over at me, taking my hand in his again and placing it on his leg.

"Well who was it?" He sounded anxious and excited at the same time.

"I ran into Missy," As soon as I said those words I could feel Bam's mood change.

"Oh really? What did she have to say now?" It was easy to tell in his voice that he was starting to get mad. He squeezed the steering wheel a little harder. I rubbed my hand on his leg, trying to comfort him as much as I could.

"Bam, dont worry about her. Ok? I'm not scared of what she said and if she cant accept that you're happier this way then she didn't love you as much as she should have," My eyes were on his face, watching every movement that it made. His jaw was clentched and his lips were in a straight line. We had stopped at a red light and Bam still hadnt looked over or said anything to me after that, and if had been a few minutes.

"Bam look at me," I tried to sound serious but there was only so much you could say when you were in the precense of a man who was already upset. "Please, can you look at me?" I pleaded this time, I wasn't sure if he was mad at me, her or the whole situation. He finally looked over at me, and I could see the look of sadness in his eyes.

"I don't care what she says Bam. The only words I'm gonig to listen to are yours, cause you're worth listening to. Not her, she's just mad and jealous. I'm not sure if you want me more then a friend, but it still wouldn't matter." Our eyes were locked and he sat there completely still for a second. I turned away, feeling defeated. Maybe he just wanted to be friends or maybe Missy was right. I sank down back into my chair as emotions were flooding my mind. I couldn't tell if I was mad, or scared or ok with it all. I pulled my hand back from him lap and sat there stairing straight forward out of the window. It was only another few minutes before we got back to Castle Bam. I got out of the car and was about to take a step away from it when Bam stood infront of me.

Our eyes locked the second he was close to me. His hands slipped over my waist and they wrapped around my waist. I wasn`t sure what Bam was doing here but I wrapped my arms around his neck as if you give him a hug. Bam leaned in for what I thought was a hug but his lips pressed up to mine delicately. My whole body went still as I pressed my lips back to his and pulled myself tighter to him. His lips molded to mine perfectly as he wrapped his arms more around my waist. We stood there for a minute or two, lost in the kisses we were giving eachother til he finally pulled away. I gasped for breath, completely forgetting out ot breathe. Bam smirked and pressed his forhead against mine and looked deep into my eyes.

"I want to be much more then your friend, theres no way I`m giving up kisses like that,"


	9. Chapter 9

I was still speechless from the kiss when he said that to me. My whole body tingled like nothing before. I wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him and do all the dirty things that were running threw my head. I smiled up at Bam, trying to remember that I still need to breath. I kissed him gently again and then we left the car and walked up to the front doors.

Once we were inside I told Bam I was going to go change. He nodded in agreement and thought it was a good idea. Once I was up in my room with the door closed I startd to freak. I jumped up and down as lightly as I could and started to do a little happy dance. I jumped up and landed on the bed, with my back on the comfy blanket. As I laid there I kicked off my heels and started to take off random pieces of jewelery that I had on.

My whole body felt like it had been electricuted – but in the good way. I wanted to scream, I wanted to laugh. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how I havent been this happy in months since – well since Lawrence asked me to marry him. I could feel my self starting to get down with even just the mention of it, but I wasnt going to let me ex ruin this night with me and Bam Margera! Christ!

I stood up after a few minutes and walked over to the dresser.. I turned the small radio on that sat on top of the dresser and clicked my ipod in to connect it. One of my favorite songs started to play (Fiction – Avenged Sevenfold) and I started to sing along. As the song contiuned I noticed myself getting louder but didn't question it or restrain myself. I pulled the top part of my dress down so that the skirt and the rest of it sat on my hips, I wasn't ready to take everything off yet – let alone walk around this place in my underwear.

In the bathroom I used a cloth to take off my make up as I contiuned to sing. After that I pulled off the rest of my dress and stood there in my bra and panties. I wasn't sure what I was going to wear but I pulled on a pair of yoga pants as I stood and sang, trying to deisde what I was going to wear.

I got lost in the song and didn't hear everything that was happening near me. As the chorus came up I knew I was getting louder again and just continued. " Not that I could or that I would, let it burn under my skin, let it burn," I could feel tears starting in the corner of my eyes but continued to sing knowing that singing would always make me feel better like tattoo. When I walked out of the bathroom still singing, Bam sat on the bed looking at me in awe. I jumped and screamed, not expecting it at all.

"Oh my god Bam! You scared the shit out of me!" I clutched at my chest, trying to breath and not fall over fromt he terror that was shooting threw my veins.

"Oh sorry," Bam's face changed from awe into a flushed colour, embarassmentmaybe?

"You just sounded amazing, and I had to come in here and make sure it was you and not my imagination." Bam sat up straight on the edge of the bed as he watched as i got closer. His eyes wondered away from my face as he looked down the rest of my body which had barely anything on it. I didn't stop and run when I realized myself that I wans't wearing a shirt, but just continued over to Bam and sat next to him. I wasn't scared of my body, and thought it looked damn good at times and well I could feel that this was one of them.

As I sat next to him I wasn't sure how he was going to react. I could feel his eyes wondering over my body, and that was when I realized that Bam wasn't wearing a shirt either only a pair of sweat pants like me.

"So what did you want to do?" I broke the silence when I finally looked away from his bare body.

"Uhm I was thinking we could watch a movie or something?" He finally pulled his own eyes away from my body and looked back up to my face.

"Yah that sounds good," I laughed as I watched Bams eyes follow me as I went to pick up a shirt.

"Do you have to put a shirt on?" When I turned to answer him, Bam was standing right behind me, still looking my bare body over. I smirked and truned to face him.

"As long as you wont wear one," I smirked at him as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Bam quickly wrapped his hands around my waist. I staired up into his eyes for a second until I lifted my lips up to his for another kiss. Our lips would pull apart and thne mold back together as kiss after kiss pulled us closer ot each other.

Once I finally pulled myself away from Bam we were both panting for breath, which had never happened to me when I was just simplly kissing someone. Bam took my hand and started to lead me from the room. I followed him out of my room, down the hall way to Bam's room. The door was open just slightly and he pushed it open with his foot. The room was dark other then the nightstand lamp on. Once we were in his room he let go of my hand and walked over to a cabinet next to the TV. I crawled up so my back was on his head board and watched him sort threw some movies.

"What do you wanna watch?" He was crouching over looking threw some movies when he finally asked for my help.

"I'm good with whatever, suprise me!" I smiled as I fiddled with the rim of my pants, not in a million years did I ever think that I was going to be laying on Bam's bed about to watch a movie with him after a date.

Tonight was just getting better and better.


	10. Chapter 10

Bam came and sat next to be on the bed, then started to inch his way closer. I moved towards him as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I wasn't sure what Bam had put in, but only a few minutes into the movie did I turn to Bam , not being able to resist myself, and started making out with him.

As our lips met, then parted and then met together again, I felt his tongue graze my bottum lip and I quickly parted mine to let it in. I slid my tongue into his mouth as he did the same with his. I ran my hand up along his neck and caught my figners into his hair. Bam's hands slid down my shoulder to my waist where he ran his hands over the bare skin slowly. His hand glided over my hips and pulled up my knee to hook onto his hip. I couldn't help but moan when Bam pulled himself on top of me and pressed his bare skin to mine. The feeling of skin on skin sent chills down my body and made me want him just even more.

Before I knew it, Bam was tugging at the rim of my pants, wanting to pull them off. I didn't fight him as he stopped for a minute and pulled them off. As soon as our lips were back together I started to pull at his belt buckle and unhooked the button on the top of his jeans. He kicked them off effortlessly all while not breaking the kiss.

I pushed Bam back and rolled him over so I was on top now. My hips instinctively grinded into his as I straddled his hips. His hands gripped my hips as we made out without taking a breather. Bam sat up, and my legs wrapped around his waist so I was sitting in his lap. His hands traveled up my back. Stroking and gripping at my bare skin. His fingers slid under the clasp of my bra, and quickly it was loose and he was pulling it off of me. I pressed my bare breats up against his chest, which made him moan into my lips.

Quickly, Bam flipped my over onto my back and kissed his way from my lips across my jaw. I clutched his shoulders and moaned as Bam left a trail of light yet sexual kisses down my neck then down my chest. He kissed my bare breast and across my stomach. His warm lips continued down until they hit my hip bones, I quivered under his lightest touch. I felt him finger the back of my panties as he kissed along the edge of them.

It wasn't tell then that the flashbacks started. My body froze and I thought about Lawrence. The images of him raping me ran threw my head like a movie before I could even stop them. I blinked my eyes hoping that it would get rid of the images that I was seeing. I felt the tears running down my cheeks as I laid there un able to move.

"Ashleigh? Whats wrong?" Bam's voice was urgent when he noticed my eyes tearing. He quickly moved so his eyes were just an inch from mine. Finally, the images stopped and I looked up at Bam with my nerves raw. "Babe whats wrong?" His fingers pulled the hair out of my face and lightly with his thumb he wiped the tears off of my cheek. Bam didn't say anything else until my quiet sobs stopped. I wanted to die I was so embarrassed that this happened. He wrapped his arms around me, and pulled my closer.

"S – sorry about that," I hugged him tightly, feeling as if he was the only life line I had left. Bam stoked my hair, and pulled me a little bit closer.

"Its ok," His voice was just a whisper and he kissed the top of my head lightly. "What was it about? You're little panic attack I guess you'd call it,"

"Lawrence. I haven't even been this close to any guy, let alone human since well yah...he raped me," I was scared to look up into Bam's face, thinking that I was dissapointing him, making him think I was just more work then I really was. Bam stopped stroking my hair and turned so we were nose to nose.

"I'm so sorry. I got caught up in the moment, I forgot. Oh shit, I'm sorry," His eyes were pleading with me as he looked over my face for my reaction. His right hand came up and I pressed my cheek into his palm.

"Its ok. I just feel really embarassed about it all," I could feel my face getting hot and I tried to look away. Bam turned my face again so that we were eye to eye.

"Don't be embarassed. It was something that happened that you had no control over. It's all right," Bam smiled softly to me and kissed my lightly on my forehead. I looked over his shoulder remembering that we had put a movie on. The end of the credits were running on the screen, and then a second later the screen was black. 2 hours must have gone by very quickly.

"I guess we didn't need that movie," I tried to laugh, even though I sounded cloged up and funny. Bam laughed and then picked up the remote. He turned off the TV, and then rolled back over so that I could curl up in his arms again.

"I guess I should go head to my bed then," I tried to move but Bam wouldn't let me budge. I turned to look at him. For some reason a warmth spread threw my chest and the rest of my body as I looked into his face. I wanted to laugh, and to smile and to giggle. His face was serious though so I kept a straight face.

"Sleep with me tonight? Like next to me and all?" He looked up at me like a little boy and I smiled down. There was no way I could resist him when he looked at me like that.

I smiled and nodded, moving closer to him again and cuddling up. I wasn't sure what time it was, but together, Bam and I fell asleep before we could say anything to each other.


	11. Chapter 11

"Bam! I swear to God I'm going to kill you!" Bam and I both jumped awake, wrapping the blankets and sheets around us. When my eyes finally focused to see who was standing at the end of the bed, I chocked on my breath and grabbed Bam's arm. Kat stood there with her hands on her hips, with a look of attitude on her face.

"I told you to stay away from her!" Kat picked up something from the dresser and threw it at Bam, hitting him in the face.

"Kat! Calm down!" Bam got up and pulled his pants on that were on the floor. He took a few steps towards her but It looked like she was going to punch him so he backed off. "Kat we didn't do anything, we went out for dinner and then we came back here. Theres nothing wrong with that," Bam picked up a shirt from the floor and slid it on.

"Really?" Kat crossed her arms over her chest and turned to me with a look of anger. "Cause she's not wearing anything and that sure doesn't prove your case of not doing anything," I leant over the bed and picked up my scattered clothes. I tried to pull my pants on discreetly, but I stumbbled making Kat look over at me, while glaring at me.

"Don't think you're not gonna get yelled at!" She took a few steps closer to me, but Bam threw a shirt to me to put on. I put it on quickly, to distract her and looked over to Bam. He looked as lost as I did.

"Kat," I figured it was my turn now to speak out and try to calm her down. "Nothing happened. Something was but then Bam stopped, knowing that I wasn't ready," I looked over at Bam whose eyes sparkled when I mentioned how sweet he was. I looked back at Kat who was looking back and forth between us with a serious look on her face.

"Even if that's true, I left you guys alone for 24 hours and this is what you do? " She shook her head and walked out of the room. I waited til she was out of the room til I rounded the bed myself and stood inches from Bam.

"What are we going to do?" I whispsed up, knowing that Kat wasn't that far. He shook his head as he ran his fingers threw his hair nervously.

"She's really pissed," Bam wrapped his arms around me, and pulled my close to my chest. I wanted to resist knowing that this wasn't the best time for this, but it felt so right and nice. "We should go talk to her together," He whispered in my ear, and I nodded slowly, thinking of what we were going to have to say to her.

Bam pulled away slowly and kissed me lightly on the lips. Chills ran threw my body again. I took his hand, and laced my fingers with his. I followed Bam as he walked out of his room and into one of the guest rooms that Kat was supposed to stay in. She didn't have her suit case with her, just her purse. I guessed that meant that she was still going to be staying in town instead of with us.

"I came all the way back out here for us to do something today, even got the guys together for you Bam and you do this?" Kat didn't look up at us when we walked in the room but she knew it was us once we were in there.

"Kat," Bam took a few steps farther in the room, pulling me behind him. "I know your mad, and thats incredibly amazing that you did this for me. Really, you're one of my bestfriends. But don't you want me to be happy?" Bam's voice was now as serious as Kats, and I was starting to get worried about what was going to be said.

"Of course I want you to be happy, why else would I make sure that everyone was here! Even that people flew in from other states!" Kat threw her phone on the bed and stood up. There were tears starting at the corners of her eyes as she looked back and forth between him and I. "Bam you barely know her! For all I know you might just want to sleep with her! It's not like shes anything special," I felt like I had been hit in the chest. Was that all I was worth?

"Did you really just say that? Kat I know this is not you talking. But I can't control my feelings if someone makes me happy and Ashleigh does," Bam squeezed my hand, as he stood up for me. I could feel more tears welling on the edges of my eyes.

"I just think that there are better people out there for you Bam," Her eyes looked at our joined hands and a look of disgust came on her face. I squeezed Bams hand lightly back and let go, I couldn't handle being in this room anymore.

"Ashleigh wait, where are you going,"

"I can't be in here," I tried not to let Bam see the tears that were running down my cheeks, but I knew he saw them. He stopped and quietly nodded. He turned back around to Kat and I ran for my room. By the time I got to my room, my tears were running faster then before and sobs were starting to break in and out of my chest. I tried to stop crying, to listen to hear what they were saying.

"Kat, I can't believe you're doing this to her. You have called her your bestfriend since you guys met however long ago that was-"

"Maybe I just don't give a shit anymore Bam. Hmm? How about that?" It was easy to hear in her voice that she was crying now. I had never seen Kat act like this before and it scared me.

"Have you been drinking?" I could hear footsteps and then footsteps that fell backwards. "Kat, don't leave here until your sober. I can't believe you did this. You hurt Ash and I both wih this whole sheraid. Sleep it off and then we can maybe talk," I heard her door shut and then Bams paces towards my guest room. He stopped in the door way and looked over at me. I was curled in a ball, laying on my side.

"I don't know how this happened, she never has relapsed before..." He sighed and came in and sat down next to me. He ran his hand up the back of my shirt, well technically his, and started to rubb my back lightly. I smiled and pulled him closer. I thought over what he had said in there to Kat. Did I really make him happy? Fill his void?

He did that for me, but to think that I was making Bam Margera feel good was something that could never happened. Bam was curled up behind me, with his arm around my waist and his head just on my shoulder.

"Are you ok?' He whispered into my ear. I wasn't sure what to say to him. I turned around so I was facing him this time.

"I.. I think i'm fine. But there's something that you said in there, that i want to ask you about," I tried to hide from his look even thought I was facing him.

"And what was that?" I looked up into Bam's eyes, knowing my whole body was trembling with electricity since he was so close to me.

"Did you really mean what you said about how I make you happy?" I asked my question in just a whisper and then tried to hide my face under his arm. Bam laughed as I tried to hide, glad he thought my embarassment was funny. I laughed a nervious laugh and looked back up at him.

"Of course I meant what I said. I haven't been this happy in a long time, Missy just... drained me from it and well you bring life a whole new light. I dont know what I would have done if I hadn't met you when i did," Bam's voice was sincere as he twisted his finger into my hair. I staired back into Bam's eyes, my mind was blank and I couldn't think of anything to say back to him.

His face was serious and then leant in and kissed me gently. I could have laid there all day with just his lips and mine. But the kiss didn't last long til we heard crashing downstairs and then loud laughing. Bam pulled away and laughed.

"Guess the guys are here!" Bam had an excited look on his face, it made me think that he hadn't seen anyone really for a while. He leapt up and grabbed my hand. "Come on! I want you to meet the guys," He tugged my hand but I stood in my spot, looking down at what I was wearing.

"Bam, I gotta have a shower. Then I'll come down ok?" I tugged his hand this time and he came close to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. Was it just me or was this whole thing with Bam going quicker then I expected. I shoved the thought to the back of my mind and kissed him on the cheek quickly. "Go have fun, and I'll be down in half an hour or so!" I smiled at him while I gave him one last kiss on the cheek and walked over to dresser with my things.

Before he left the room he came up behind me and wrapped his arm around my waist and whispered in my ear how later we were going to move my stuff into his room since he had a feeling someone was going to need it. I smiled and nodded. He clicked the door shut behind him, and that was when I started to run around like a crazy person. I was throwing things from the drawers and the suit case, trying to find the right thing to wear. I needed something sexy but still super casual. I figured jeans and a tshirt, that can be sexy right?

I picked up my outfit, along with clean underwear and bra and made my way into the bathroom that was attached to my room. The hot water felt amazing, but only 5 minutes into my shower somebody turned the hot water on, leaving me with only cold water. I screamed and figured it was probably from who ever was all downstairs. Bam must have told them that he had me upstairs. With this incentive, I finished my shower even faster then normal and got dressed. I left my hair down in wet curls, once it was sorta dry I'd just come back upstairs and straighten it. I did just the basic make up, a little eyeliner and mascara and that was it.

Once I was ready, I looked my self over in the mirror. The tight fitting HIM shirt that I was wearing looked perfect and the jeans matched it in the same black shade. I smiled one last time and made my way out of the room. I thought as I made my way down the stairs of who was all going to be there. The guys from Jackass? Viva la bam? Anxiety built in my chest as I desended the last few steps.


	12. Chapter 12

"Look! Bam is that her?" There was a voice that yelled the second I stepped off the stairs. I looked up and saw WeeMan standing only a few feet from me, looking like he was heading downstairs to the kitchen. There was a scurry of footsteps, stummbles and curse words as I heard what sounded like a heard of elephants run up the stairs to where I was. Bam was the first one at the top and a large smile spread across his face.

"Yah man, thats her," Behind him came a bunch of faces as if they were looking for santa, or the easter bunny. I stood there smiling at Bam, who walked over to my slowly. There were a bunch of mumbles from behind him and a guy with a sorta scruffy beard approched my first.

"So you're Bam's new girl huh?" He stood in front of me, looking me up and down as if inspecting me. His arms were crossed across his chest and he raised an eyebrow when he looked over at Bam. "Well Bam, I gotta say you did a much better job with this one then the last one. She seems a little less crazy even though she hasn't said a word. I'm Ryan Dunn," He stuck his hand out and I quickly shook it. Everyone else started to come up the stairs and introduced themselves. There was Ryan Dunn, WeeMan, Steve-O, Dico, Johnny Noxville, Novak, Rakk, Rab, Dave England, and everyone else I could possibly think of.

"Where's Kat?" Novak was leaning against one of the couches with a beer in his hand. Bam and I looked at each other with a little anxiety.

"She's upstairs," I answered as politely as I could and smiled over at him.

"So which one of you thought it was a great idea to let Kat drink?" Bam was the one who put the question out before I did, and was scared to hear what they were going to say. Everyone was looking at each other with suspisious looks. "Well?" Bam pulled his arm away from me, and I took this as my moment to sneak away. I left all the guys upstairs and went down the second flight of stairs to the kitchen.

I opened the kitchen door, trying to ignore what was being said upstairs. Inside the fridge there wasn't much, but I figured I'd pull some eggs and bacon out and start making a late breakfast for Bam and I. As soon as the bacon was cooking, each of the guys from upstairs started to make their way down the stairs to see what was making such a damn good smell.

"Whatchyea makin there?" Ryan came up behind me and hovered over my shoulder as I flipped the bacon in the pan.

"Bacon, some eggs too," I whisked the raw eggs in a large bowl, I cracked all 12 eggs into it a big bowl and mixed it with a little milk and some cheese.

"Can I have some? It smells so good!" Ryan grabbed a plate and watched my closely as I flipped the bacon again and poured the eggs into the hot pan. Bam was the next one to stand next to me asking for some.

"Well I'm not sure if I have enough bacon and eggs for everyone," I looked around at everybody who was looking anxious for food.

"No problem Babe, I'll check the freezer and extra fridge," Bam kissed me ob the cheek as he walked past me into what I thought was the laundry room. He came back a few minutes later with another two cartens of eggs and another few packages of bacon. I smiled and started to get everything ready.

After everyone was eating, I came to sit down with all the guys. There were no places to sit so I stood next to Bam. He smiled up at me, and pulled me down into his lap.

"Bam, did Missy ever cook for all of us?" Steve O asked between gulps of food. There were mummbles around the table and what sounded like they were agreeing with Steve O.

"I don't think so dude," He looked up at me again, would a proud little twinkle in his eyes. I smiled down at him as I felt my cheeks burn and my body become electric.

The guys talked for a while about what they were going to do for the day, but hell I could care less as long as I was with Bam. He kept his arm around me tightly while we stayed with his friends. I felt Bam's fingers find their way up the edge of my shirt and swirl along my side. I smiled at the light touch from him and squeezed his hand lightly. After a while of talking, the guys agreed that they were going to ride some of the ATV's and other off roading things around the property. They all got excited as Bam tried to get me out.

"Come on! You gotta be more fun the Missy!" Dunn was pulling me by the arm and pratically begging me to come outside. I laughed at him, and looked at Bam to see what he had to say.

"Wanna come babe?" His voice was cool, but when he said babe a chill ran threw my body. Was he really thinking of me of more then just a friend now, or was I thinking to much of this.

I couldn't resist when Bam smirked at me.

"Yes I'll come. But I'm riding with Bam! For some reason I have a feeling I won't get as hurt if I ride with him," I looked around at the guys. They laughed and started to argue about how was the safest driver. Bam's smile became bigger when I said that and he came up to me once Dunn had let go and hugged me from behind.

"I'm so happy you like them," He whispered in my ear as I turned around to face him. I smiled into his face and looked up at him.

"Well I'm happy they like me," I leaned up towards him and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. When I tried to pull away his hand made its way to the back of my neck and he pulled my lips back to his. I could feel him smirking against mine as he deepened the kiss, not caring that the other guys were still in the same room.

Hoots and hollars came from around us, but I heard everyone leave the room all ay once leaving Bam and I alone. Now that we were alone, Bam's hands started to wonder over my body. My hands caught in his hair. I kissed down his neck and heard him moan softly. As our bodies pressed together and were beginning to get wrapped in each other I could feel but Bam was feeling. My skin tingled with each touch of his and I tried not to pull of his clothes while we were in the kitchen. Bam stopped as I made my hand way down his chest, then stomach stopping at the spot in between his legs.

Every thought in my head, raced. Normally I wasn't so forward, but there was something about Bam that made me not care what anyone thought, just as long as I was with him.

"The guys are waiting," He breathed into my ear, barely able to catch his own breath as his hand slid down to my butt and grabbed it tightly. I trialed my hand back up his stomach and let it sit on his chest.

"I know, we probably should head out there huh?" I pulled myself back a little and looked into his eyes. They were wide with excitement and you could almost see the things that he wanted to do in his eyes.

"Yah. Fuck I don't want to anymore. I just want take you upstairs and do everything I can to you," Bam kissed his way down my neck and pressed me against the edge of the counter.

"Well Bam, that was rather graphic!" The voice shocked the both of us and our heads both turned around quickly to see Novak standing in the door frame waiting for us.

"Oh fuck off, " Bam flipped him off and gave me one last kiss before he made his way out the door with Novak. I sighed leaning against the counter, trying to clear my head. I picked up a can of coke from the fridge and made my way outside to hear the roaring of motorcycles and ATV's.

I came and sat down next to WeeMan on the curb and watched the guys play around. We talked about random things and laughed when one of them did something stupid. After an hour or so Bam came over to where we were sitting and kissed me lightly.

"Wanna go for a ride?" He pointed over his shoulder to the atv that was there. I looked around him at the roaring 4 wheeled death machine.

"Uhm, I guess so." I looked up him with a weak smile and him and WeeMan both laughed. Bam took my hand and pulled me towards the ATV. He sat on it first and looked over at me.

"Well are you going to get on?" I hesitated for a minute before I made any move. I could feel some of the other guys watching me and Bam. I took a deep breath and sat behind Bam on the large seat. I wrapped my arms quickly around his waist and squeezed tightly as I pressed my face into his shoulder. I felt Bam laugh as he started to move.

The first movement scared me and I jumped and clutched to Bam's sides. I heard him laugh this time as he continued on. He didn't go fast, which I was happy about.

"It's ok Babe! Look around," Bam called over his shoulder. At first I didn't want to move. I sat there for a few seconds before I finally pulled my self to look up and look around. We were far from his place and I couldn't see anyone around us. We were in a feild that had beautiful trees surrounding it. There were plants with bright coloured flowers everywhere. A small stream ran threw the feild and Bam came to a stop on top of the bridge that went over the steam. He turned the engine off and we sat there in silence for a few minutes alone.

"Isn't it great here? It's so silent..." Bam's voice trailed off as if he was thinking of something. He was silent for another few moments before he got off the ATV. I watched him as he walked over to the edge and leaned against the thin railing. The air was still warm, even though it was October, as it swirled around us. I got off the ATV and made my way over to him. I copied his pose and looked down at the stream.

"It's beautiful here," My voice seemed to loud when I finally spoke, and became quiet quickly after it. Bam nodded his head and then looked over at me.

"Yah, I do alot of thinking here. I built this bridge when I first got this place." I looked back at him, and for anothe silent movement we just looked into each others eyes. Bam opened his mouth to say something, and my heart thumped in my chest.

Before I could hear what he said the railing of the bridge cracked and we fell quickly down the 8 feet into the cold stream. I screamed when my skin came in contact with the water and I heard Bam curse. We both didn't wait in the water and when we got to shore was when we finally looked at eachother.

Bam and I were both soaking wet from head to toe. He had a weird look on his face until he started to laugh a light laugh. I gave him a weird look and started to laugh along with him. I looked at the bridge and then back at us.

"Bam, next time you need to build something for your property. Pay someone to do it please," We both laughed as I joked at him about his building skills. After laughing for a few moments he took a step closer to me and wrapped his arm around my waist. I stopeped laughing and looked up at him. His eyes scanned my face and he hand came up to it. I felt his thumb rub across my cheek as I locked eyes with him again.

"You had mascarra running down your cheek," He leaned in and kissed my cheek. I smiled and went to kiss him on the lips when a chilled wind came up out of no where and gave me goose bumps. I shook there for a moment.

"Cold?" I wrapped my arms around his body, hoping for some body heat but was sad to only feel his cold wet clothes too.

"Yes!" I looked up at him as I clung to him just in hope for the heat from him. He smiled and took my hand to the ATV which he had already taken off of the bridge by now. I crawled on behind him and wrapped my arms around him.

The ride back was fast and as the air rushed past us my whole body shook with chills. I could hear Bam cursing about the cold as we started to get closer to the guys.

"Where the hell were you guys?" Dunns voice was the first one who said anything. We got of the ATV and looked at him. "Why are you guys soaking wet?"

"I took her to my spot," Bam threw the keys at Steve O who jumped on it quickly. Dunn look suprised that Bam had taken me there. He looked back and forth between us and then finally rested his eyes on Bam.

"Bam showed me his great carpentry skills to. That bridge... was so well built we jumped off of it," I smirked at Bam who was eyeing me closely. All the guys around us started to laugh.

"Oh man! Thats great! She just made a Bam sucks joke!" Novak laughed loudly as he smacked his knee while he laughed. Bam came up and pushed my shoulder lightly, as if he was mad. When I turned to say I was sorry for makin fun of him his lips were on mine quickly.

"Lets get changed and we'll go out for dinner with the guys. Sound good babe?" He pushed a wet clump of hair out of my eyes. I smiled up at him, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before I ran to the door.

"I call the shower first!" I slammed the door behind me as I heard him curse and start after me.


	13. Chapter 13

I ran the masscara over my eye one last time before looking back at myself. I smiled at myself as I heard the guys yelling and joking around from my room. I let Bam get ready in his room as I got ready in the guest room that he had first given me. There was a knock on the door and I turned to see Novak standing there.

"Ready to go?" he took a few steps into my room and looked around at my stuff that was scattered around from the little while I had actually been there.

"Yup just give me a sec," I looked threw my suit case for a pair of heeled boots. I knew I had brought a cute pair but they must have been at the bottom of the suitcase.

"K, thats cool," Novak sat on the edge of the bed and looked over at me. "I wanted to say sorry too," His voice wasn't as filled with energy as it normally was, and I looked around with a confused look on my face.

"Sorry for what?" I sat down next to him on the edge of the bed and tucked my pant leg into the top of the boots. I looked up at him before I zipped up my boots.

"For Kat," I wasn't really sure what he was talking about until he contiuned to talk. "I got her to drink last night. I feel bad for it, cause everyone always hates it when I relapse...and then I made her and then she freaked at you and Bam," He was looking down at his hands and fiddled with a ring on his finger.

I wasn't sure what to say. There were so many feelings running threw my head I wasn't sure what to say. Kat had worked years for her sobriety and the fact that Novak made her like that last night must have been something drastic for him to say anything and convince her. I bit my lip, I didn't know what I was suposed to say, Good Job you fucked over my boss or Thanks for ruining everything my bestfriend had worked for.

"I just don't think it's fare sometimes," Novak startled me when he said this. I looked up from my own hands to see him looking back at me.

"What isn't fare?"

"That Bam always gets what he wants. If he wants a new car, then he goes out and buys one. If he wants a new girl, he goes out and finds one. Maybe there's a chance that I'd like the girl instead him. He knows Kat's crazy about him,"

Thats when it clicked. That was why Kat was trying so hard to keep us apart. I wasn't sure if I should be mad at her or just accept that I hurt her.

"Well..." I zipped up the last part of my boot and looked over at Novak again. "Thanks I guess. I don't really know what else to say, my minds sorta going a milion miles a second right now." I stood up and walked over to pick up my coat. When I turned around, Novak was standing there.

"I'll go get Bam for you," He said it quickly and was out of the room in a second. I leant against the dresser trying to let my mind wrap around what had all been told to me. First, Kat was in love with Bam and thats why she didn't want me to be near him at all. Second, it was Novak who got her wasted. Lastly, Bam had a problem with girls? Well not so much problem, but seemed to always have one. There were mixed feelings in every inch of my body.

I heard footsteps and looked up to the door where I saw Bam standing there with a worried look on his face.

"Babe, are you ok? Novak said you were upset," He crossed the floor quickly and placed his hands on my shoulders. I didn't say anything first, I wasn't sure if I even wnated to talk.

"I guess so, I mean I don't know. Novak came in and just told me a bunch of random things,"

"What did he say?" Bam slid his arm around my waist as I looked up at him finally.

"He said he was the one who got Kat to drink last night. Not sure how but he said he did,"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" It was easy to hear the aggitated tone in Bam's voice. He was just about as happy about it as I was. "I cant believe he fucking did this!" Bams voice raised a little.

"Oh wait, I'm not finished. He then told me how Kat's in love with you and you know it," I avoided Bam's eyes this time, not sure if he was going to be suprised to knew it all along. "Then said how you seem to go from girl to girl sometimes. Like if you want a new girl you'll just go out and find someone," I looked up at Bam this time and he had a strange look on his face. I wasn't sure what it meant, but I was starting to fear for the worst.

We stood there for a moment together, and he still hadn't said anything.

"Look Bam, I get that you're lonely I am to. But I'm just not some girl who you can fill your time with til you find someone else," I didn't want to say the words but they came out before I could stop myself. After all the shit I had already delt with I wasn't going to deal with shit that I didn't need to.

Bam's eyes were sad. Either he knew I was right or what ever I had said upset him. I bit my lip, waiting for an answer. I looked back up into Bam's face as he opened his mouth to say soemthing.

"Normally I would just go find some girl, but there's something different about you. I don't want to do anything that would hurt you. I knew Kat had feelings for me, but I don't feel the same way. When she left Nikki and tried to get with me, I told her no. Novak has said all this shit to me before," I rested my forehead on Bam's shoulder, trying to understand what he was saying.

I felt a finger slip under my chin and pull my head up. When I looked up, my eyes matched Bam's bright blue ones.

"If I thought you weren't worth something then I wouldn't have delt with Kat earlier or got you to hang out with me and all the guys. Or actually care last night when things got a little to far. I don't want to hurt you, I promise,"

His lips touched mine lightly, but as I pressed mine back the kiss deepened. I pulled my lips away after a moment and took his hand.

"Come on, lets go out." I smiled behind him as I pulled him along with me.


	14. Chapter 14

Bam pulled the door open and we walked in quickly. He had a tight hold of my hand as he lead me threw the bar with him. Lots of people came up and said hi and he just shook hands with them or nodded. I could see people whisper as we made our way to a corner booth. I scooted in next to Bam, and he slid his arm around me quickly.

All the guys were sitting with us, Novak sat the furthest, but Bam and I agreed we weren't going to let our night get ruined cause of that. The waitress was over the second we sat down and Bam ordered shots for everyone. They were lined up quickly and Bam slid one towards me.

"Gonna have one?" He raised his eyebrow with a smirk.

"Of course!" I picked up my shot with everyone else as we clincked them all together and drank them back. The familiar warm burn ran threw my stomach. I smiled at Bam, who looked excited that I could be his new drinking buddy.

Everyone started to crack jokes, or tell hillarious stories from years ago in this bar. We laughed along, and then every few minutes another tray of shots would be brought over. Before each shot one of the guys would yell something ridiculous, everyone would laugh and we'd do the shot. I wasn't sure after about 2 hours there how many shots that we had all consumed. Novak said he felt bad and that he'd stay sober to drive us home, which i thought was nice. Bam agreed by having another drink.

Hours passed quickly and finally we agred that it was time to head home. Bam and I walked together, holding eachother up as we laughed and tried not to trip over everything. He gripped my butt as I tried to get his keys out of my purse. Bam came up behind me and started to kiss my neck. I couldn't help but stop and enjoy each kiss. I turned and pressed my lips to his. He pressed me up against the side of the car. We were enjoying our selves until we heard someone clear their throat from right behind Bam.

I looked over his shoulder, and felt myself become almost instantly sober. Missy stood there with her friend from the last time I saw her. Bam turned and groaned the second that he saw her.

"Missy what are you doing here," Bam turned around and stood infront of me protectively, still leaving one of his hands on my hip.

"What the hell are you doing with her?" Missy pointed at me, and I tried to stay hidden. Novak and Dunn walked around the corner and stopped dead when they saw us pressed against the car and Missy 15 feet away. I looked at the for help, hoping my paniced look would make them come over but they stopped dead in their tracks and didnt move.

"It's none of your business. Just leave us alone, we are heading home now anyways," Bam didn't sound very happy that he was talking to her. I slid my hand down so it was with his and squeezed his lightly. I hope that was giving a bit of suport.

"You still love me, you just don't know it Bam,"

"I don't think so Missy, I'm with someone else. Get over it and move on, I'm not dealing with your shit anymore. Come on babe, lets go," Bam turned around and looked at me. I gave him a quick nod and followed him to the other side of the car. We could hear her yelling after Bam but he kept on going straight. Bam and I climbed into the back seat of the Hummer along with some of the other guys. Novak was sitting in the front. Once everyone was in, we started to pull away.

Bam didnt look very happy as the whole car ride was silent on the way home. As soon as we were back in the house, Bam went to what they liked to call the Pirate Bar and came out with a 2'6 of vodka and plopped down on the couch. We all sat down with him, and Dunn went to go get some shot glasses. I was starting to get a little more sober, and watched as the guys drank more this time. He didn't say a single thing when I didn't take the shot from him, he just took it for himself taking two at a time. I couldnt help but look up at Dunn with a nervous look, he had almost the same look.

It was well past 3 in the morning and everyone was very wasted now, expect for Dunn and I. Bam was yelling and doing ridiculous things. I didn't want to leave him, but I was tired and sober now.

"Dunn, keep an eye on him please. I gotta go to bed, Kat woke us up early this morning," I whispered into Dunns ear, as I watched Bam and Steve O run at each other. I closed my eyes before I could see them colide and turned quickly and made my way up the stairs. I left Bam downstairs with the boys, hoping that Dunn would take care of him and that nothing was going to happen.

Once I was up stairs I walked straight past Bam's door and walking into the guest room that was mine. I closed the door behind me after a second of listening to make sure that no one was getting hurt. Only a mix of swears and laughs were being flung around there. I pulled off my clothes from the bar. As I tried to think of positive things, Missy kept on popping into my head. Was she always going to be there randomly? Hell, what was I talking about! Of course she was, he's her ex wife.

I crawled into the sheets and left the bedside table light on while I curled in bed thinking. My head was starting to hurt from all this thinking that I was having to do lately. I rubbed my temples lightly with my fingers, trying to relax. I was having such a great night with Bam til she came along. Ugh.

After a while I drifted off to sleep.

"Babe? Baby wake uppp!"Bam's voice whispered into my ear while I tried to sleep threw it. I opeend my eyes and everything was still dark. I glanced at the clock and noticed that it was only an hour or so later. A groan escaped before I could even try to hold it in.

"What Bam?" I rolled over to see him pulling the blankets and crawling in next to me.

"Why aren't you sleeping in my bed?" I felt his bare skin on my back, his was so warm and mine so cold.

"Cause you were up and figured youd want your bed all to yourself," I moved back slightly so my back was pressed to his chest. I didnt dare turn around to smell the alcohol on his breath.

"But I wanna sleep with yoou!" He wrapped his arm around my waist and snuggled closely. I smiled in the dark, even though he wouldn't see it. That made up for waking me up in the middle of the night.

"Go to bed baby," I lifted the top of his hand and kissed it and then placed it back aruond my waist and shut my eyes.

"But I wanna tell you somethin! I – I was sorry about earlier when we saw Missy, I haaate her! And she pissed me off," The fingers on his hand around my waist started to swirl around on the skin on my stomach in a soothing circle.

"It's ok Bam. I understand," I squeezed his arm lightly and shut my eyes again.

"Theres something else!" His words were getting really quiet now, as if he was trying to whisper something to me in a room filled with people. "The – the strange thing is I think, wait no I know I...That I lllloo..."


	15. Chapter 15

His snore ended his sentance, leaving me wide eyed and bushy tailed. Was he just trying to tell me he loved me? Bam Margera? No way. Nuh uh, absolutely no. I turned to look at the snoring man cuddling me from behind. His eyes were shut and his face was a peaceful look. His mouth was hanging open just a little as a soft snoring noise came out of his mouth.

I groaned. Why was he making me feel like this? We had only been together for a few days, maybe not even really together! A while passed before I finally passed out from the sheer exhaustion of thinking.

I rolled over to see Bam still asleep. It was 11am. I rolled to my back now and looked up at the ceiling. Whlie I slept, I had a weird dream. I think it was about Bam and I. But there was a man there with me. We were sitting around a christmas tree and there were 3 little kids that were running around with little christmas outfits on them. I smiled as I looekd at my husband, who looked like a little older version on Bam. H had still looked increaibly good looking in my dream, just as he did now.

I closed my eyes again and that was when I felt movement in the bed.

"mmm morning," a groggy sounding Bam rolled over and barried his face into the pillow.

"Morning," I moved to my side to look at him, as I propped myself up on one elbow he was finally looing up at me.

"How did I end up here last night?" He turned to his side and faced me, scooting closer to me and resting his head just under my chin as if he was going back to sleep.

"Well at like 4 or 5 am you came and crawled in with me," Panic shot threw my mind. If he didn't remember coming into here then he must not remember telling me that he loved me. Ok well almost loved me. I think.

"Why didn't you sleep in my bed last night?"

"I figured you were drunk and that you might have wanted your space in the bed," I stated for the second time why I wasn't in his bed and moved down so I was nose to nose with him.

"Why would I want to sleep alone when you're here?" A smirk played on his lips as he brought them closer to mine and kissed me lightly. I pressed back with my own and watched him cringe. "Fuck I need some advil or something. Babe can you get a glass of water for me? Theres a cut I keep in the bathroom of every house for a moment like this,"

I nodded and crawled out of bed. For the night, I only slept in a tank top and boy shorts and when I came back with the filled glass of water Bam was still stairing my way.

"Is there something wrong?" I looked around me, thinking maybe something was in the room or that I had something on me.

"You're – you're beautiful I mean, I noticed it before, but now you just look so...beautiful..." Bam's voice trailed off as his eyes met mine. My cheeks werw burning before I could stop them and I looked down at my bare body self conciously. I walked over to the side of the bed that Bam was on and handed him his glass of water. When I turned to leave, Bam caught my hand and pulled me torwards him.

I fell onto the bed and landed on Bams lap, strattling him with a leg on each side of him. Bam's eyes were on my face intently, watching the features of my face change. He ran his fingers across my jaw, and then over my cheek bone. His very touch was making me shiver.

"You're so beautiful," His words were just a whisper now, and I could feel his breath on my cheek. The heat of it made me lean closer. I shook my head and tried to get up. Before I could go very far, Bam put his glass of water on the night stand and spun me around so my back was pressed against the sheets.

"Listen to me, you are. I don't see how you can't see that," His eyes searched my face again and I just stared back this time. Bam pressed his lips to mine and held them there for a minute before pulling away and pulling a few strands of hair out of my face.

"Now, what do you wanna do today baby?" He smiled down at me and my body tingled. I was having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that he was making me feel like a little girl with her first love. I couldn't help but smile back up at him.

"I don't know. What are you thinking?" I ran my hand slowly over his shoulders and up the back of his neck to catch my fingers in his hair. I curled his already curly hair in my fingers and waitied for him to answer me.

"I don't know. We can just relax, maybe go to the mall if you need to get anything for here. I was thinking of pickin you up something anyways," Bam smiled as he ran his fingers up and and down my side lightly. He watched his hand carefully. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling and let Bam's fingers trail up along the skin. He didn't go much farther then that. After a few minutes of that, i told him that I was good with whatever he wanted to do and that it was good with me.

Bam picked up the remote for the smaller tv that was the guest room and clicked it on. We laid cuddled together as we flipped threw the channels. Bam told me about when he filmed Viva La Bam, and how it was different then filming Jackass. We talked about shows that we liked and shows that we didn't, somehow coming to an agreement about which ones sucked and which didn't.

Time was flying by, and by the time I looked at the clock again it was almost 1 in the afternoon.

"What time did you want to go to the mall," I looked up at him from his stomach, where my head was reasted.

"Now?" Bam looked down from the TV and stretched. I nodded and rolled off of Bam. I didn't see the point in having a shower, and Bam didn't either cause when I was finally pulling on my top Bam walked back into the guest room. I grabbed my purse and slipped on the closest pair of sneakers. Before we went down the stairs, I looked over to the room that Kat was in. The door was wide open. I figured shed be awake by now, her being an early riser and all, but when I got to the room her things and her were gone.

"Bam, did Kat tell you she was leaving?" I looked over at Bam who quickly came to stand at the door frame with me.

"I guess she headed back into the city," Bam and I stood together there for a minute before we heard the guys laughing downstairs. He took my hand and I followed him down the stairs, and then down to the pirate bar.

Dunn, Novak and Steve O were sitting there laughing about something. When they saw us come in, they started to laugh even harder. Dunn had a small video camera in his hand. Bam went over to them quickly to see what they were watching. Must have been stuff from last night. All four of them laughed now as I poured myself a glass of water. I was about to ask Bam if he wanted me to make lunch for him, when he stopped me and said we'd just grab something on the way. I nodded and said by to the guys.


	16. Chapter 16

Bam took me, to what he called, one of his favorite little places for some lunch. It was just a small pizza place, but the food was great. Strangely, we were both really hungry and ate quickly as if we weren't going to ever eat again. Once we were finished, we got back into Bam's very loved hummer and started to drive towards the mall.

I staired out the window, enjoying the scenery and listening to HIM playing on the radio. We hadn't spoken to each other since we got into the car, but my hand was with his and when he needed both hands it sat on his leg. When Vampire Heart came on I started singing softly, forgetting that I was with Bam entierly. I kept my voice quiet as if I was the one driving, and let the melody of my voice. I closed my eyes and lend my head back. Taking all of the music in and listening to it.

Once the song was over, I could feel Bam's eyes on me.

"Where did you learn how to sing? You are amazing," I looked up at him, his eyes were twinkling with excitement.

"No where really. My mom sang too, so I just picked it up at home. I'd jam with friends, since most people I knew were musicians already. I was in a band at one point," I smiled knowing Bam would love that news.

"Really? You were in a band?" He parked the car in a spot and we got out starting to walk to the mall. I laughed to hear the enthusiasim in his voice.

"Yah, I was the only girl in it though," I took his hand as we walked threw the doors of the mall. It was the middle of the week and there were hardly any people there, luckily for Bam. Even though everyones eyes were on Bam, their towns pride possession, his eyes were on me.

"You have no idea how hot that is!" He pulled me closer and slid his arm around my shoulder as I slid mine around his waist. He kissed my cheek once I was close enough. "Some time, you're gonna have to perform when I have another concert at my place. It would be amazing!"

"I don't know Bam, I mean I haven't perfromed in a few years,"

"Oh come on! You're be amazing! Pllllleeeeaaaasssseeee," I looked up at Bam, who was giving me the puppy dog look. I couldn't resist his face. He looked so adorable that I laughed.

"Yes ok, I promise I'll do it," I kissed his cheek as he lead me into a skate store.

I walked around the store, in tow of Bam, and listened as he talked about different skateboards and what kind of wheels were good and other things like that. I listened intentnly, figureing if he was wanting me to stick around that I should learn a little something about skateboards since I could barely stand one as it is.

When he started to talk to the guy behind the counter see if his wheels came in that he ordered, I noticed that there was a book store across the way. I had already read the book that I had brought with me here, so it was time for a new one.

"Babe, I'm going across the way to the book store. When you're finished come get me k? I need a new book and I could spend hours in there," I kissed him quick on the lips. When I looked at the guy behind the counter I saw his eyes look me up and down. I kissed Bam another time quickly and then made my way out of the store.

The book store was huge, much bigger then I was assuming. I went straight for the fiction area, knowing that there were some new books out by my fave authors. I picked up dozens of books, reading the backs and debating weather they were going to be good or not. I had 3 in my hand after an hour or so and tried to decide which one I should really get. There was a tap on my shoulder, and I turned to expect the sales clerk that I asked to get a book for me, but Bam stood there. Before I could react he gave me a quick kiss.

"I finally found you," He looked down at the books in my hands and picked up the first one. "Whats this about?" I explained the three books to him, and stood there trying to decide what I wanted more.

"Don't worry about it, i'll just get you all threee," Bam picked all three books from my hands and started to walk over to the check out.

"Bam! Stop! You don't have to get them for me, I'm good with just one of them," I felt bad that he was going to get them for me. Since I had been there everytime we went anymore or did anything he would pay for it. "It's not fare that you pay for everything of mine," I was hoping my serious look would stop him, but he just laughed and walked to the counter. I sighed and rolled my eyes as I followed him. By the time I got to the counter he had them bagged already and was getting the recipe.

"Babe, I don't care if I pay for things for you. I don't know what to do with most of the money I have anyways," He held on to he bag as he took my hand with the other and walked out of the book store.

"But I feel bad," I said sheepishly.

"Don't feel bad. If I want to get my girl something, then I will." He smiled at me as we walked threw the mall more. He lead me threw the mall, asking what I wanted, or what he should get me. I inisisted that the books were enough. Bam told me no and then dragged me into some store to find something.

Bam was picknig up random things and asking me if I liked them. I knew if I answered yes, then he'd get it weather I liked it or not. After my constant protests, Bam finally gave up. Saying I was no fun and that we should go home.

I laughed and when we got to the car I kissed him. The kiss was long and passionate. He forgot where he was and started to let his hands run up my sides. When I pulled away, and licked my lips.

"Why stop?" Bam pulled me clsoer again and continued the kiss. We were pressed up against the car for 20 minutes, enjoying eachother til we finally broke apart. We got into the car and started to rammble on about different things.

As we pulled up to Bam's, Dunn Novak and Steve O were walking out to Dunns car.

"Where are you guys going?" I got to them first, while Bam poked around the trunk of his car as if he was looking for something.

"Yah, just to get something to eat," Dunn nodded and unlocked the car doors.

"Yah some time alooone," Steve O started to hump the air as if there were someone in front of him. Dunn and I started to laugh as Novak got in the car without saying anything. He must have been feeling bad still.

"You guys are so funny, " Bam came up and smacked my ass on the way. I jumped and whirled around to hit him. He was gone by the time I tried to swing and laughing.

The guys got into the car and left, giving Bam and I his whole house alone.


	17. Chapter 17

I placed the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table as Bam put the movie in the dvd player. He came back quickly and sat next to me. Together, we nibbled on popcorn and watched some random movie that he said he loved. It was a great movie and I was practically in his lap when the movie was over.

The credits started to roll and I turned to him.

"What do we wanna do for dinner tonight? I have no problem making something," I wrapped my arms around his neck and waited for his answer.

"Well actually, my mom wanted us over for dinner."

"Wh...what?" I staired wide eyed at Bam.

"Yah, I told my mom about you and she says she'd love to meet you." He looked at his watch, "Actually we should be heading there soon. Ape doesn't like it when I'm late," I nodded, trying to snap back to reality. I was going to go meet his parents, that was good right?

"Well i'm going to go try and find something to wear now! Damn!" I jumped up from his lap to scurry upstairs, but he pulled me back down to the couch.

"You'll look beautiful in whatever you wear. But I did get you this," Bam turned to the side of the couch and reached around for something. I raised my eye brow, wondering what in the world he was doing. He turned back around with a small jewelery box that was black. I looked back and forth between Bam and the box. I lightly took it out of his hands and opened it slowly.

Inside the box was a thin silver bracelt inside of it. It was shiny and had something written on it. I twisted it around admiring it and looking at what it said. Written in a beauitful script, "With the warmth of your arms you saved me, oh i'm killing loneliness with you," I could feel the tears starting to form in the corner of my eyes.

"Oh my god Bam! I love it!" I flung my arms around his neck and squeezed, it was so beautiful and just perfect. Bam smiled and squeezed me back.

"Well, I love you," I could hear the smile in his voice as he whispered it into my ear. I froze in the middle of the hug. Hearing those words made my whole body turn into fire. I slowly pulled away from Bam looking into his face. He searched my face, waiting for my answer. There was a little fear in his eyes.

"I love you too," The words came out so perfectly, as if they were made for just him. I realized that in the few days that I had been with Bam, he had made me happier then I had been most of my life.

A smile as wide as a mile spread across Bam's face and he pressed his lips to mine quickly. I pulled away and held my wrist out to Bam for him to put it around my wrist. He put it around my left wrist, where I still had a scar from Lawrence. I looked down at the bracelet and tried to not let the few tears that were brimming along my eyes escape.

"We should probably go get ready to go to my moms," Bam reluctently said this as he looked at his watch one last time. I agreed and together we made our way up the stairs to our rooms. During the day I had brought the last few things from the guest room into Bam's room and we both went into his room together to get ready.

We each took turns in the bathroom and suprisingly it didn't take us that long for us to get ready. Once we were both ready, I followed him to the Hummer and we crawled in. The drive from his place to his parents house wasn't as far as I thought it would have been, so we were there rather quickly.

As we walked up to the door I was starting to get nervous, hoping that his parents that I had seen on TV many times. Bam didn't bother with knocking on the door, he just walked straight in.

"Ape! Phil! We're here!" I followed Bam in and walked with him into the kitchen which seemed to habev all the energy in it.

"Hey hunny, glad you guys could make it," I watched Bam walk farther into the kitchen and give an older woman a hug.

"Yah, me too. Mom this is Ashleigh, babe come here," I walked over quickly and stood next to Bams side. I smiled and stuck my hand out for her to shake. She took it quickly and then pulled me into a hug. I hugged her back lightly and stepped back next to Bam.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you."

"It's so nice to meet you to! You're so pretty! Bam where did you find her? I think you should keep her already!" April laughed and walked back over to the stove.

"I met her threw Kat mom," His mom stopped and looked around at us. She didn't have a very happy look on her face.

"I don't like Kat very much, every time you're with her you end up coming home with new tattoos! Atleast Ashleigh looks sane enough to not be a tattoo artist, and clearly isn't covered in them like you!" April rammbled on as she drained something into the sink.

Bam laughed loudly making April look over at us.

"What's so funny Bam?"

"Ape, Ashleigh's a tattoo artist too!" Aprils eyes grew wide and her eyes ran over my body again.

"Bam don't lie to me,"

"No April , he's right. I'm a tattoo artist. I was Kat's apprentice but I'm past that now. But I still have yet to tattoo your son so don't worry about me yet," I walked over to the dishes in the sink and turned the tap on and started to wash them out, it was the least that I could do.

"Oh well good! Hopefully we will keep it that way," April laughed and placed a large plate of pasta on the counter.

"Phil dinners ready!" April called over her shoulder as she took plates out of the cupboard. I took the plates from her hands, as Bam picked up the large dish of pasta and placed it on the table.

"Oh I'll be back, I've got a bottle of wine in the car for you," Bam jumped up quickly and ran out of the room. As Bam ran out, a large man came into the room.

"Phil, this is Bam's new girlfriend Ashleigh." April introduced me to her husband and told me how it was Bam's father.

"It's nice to meet you. Bam must be a lucky guy, you seem much nicer then Missy," Phil sat down at the table and motioned for me to sit down at the table too. I smiled and did so just as Bam walked into the room.

He walked over and picked up a few wine glasses and placed them on the table. He poured the wine into the glasses and then gave us each one. We cheersed and then started to eat. The food was phenominal and I praised April for her cooking. She laughed and thanked me.

"Ash is a really good cook to mom, she's made a couple of meals since she's been here. They were all great," Bam smiled at me and placed his hand on top of mine. I smiled and squeezed his hand.

"Oh well thats great! You can help when we have big familly meals! Missy – ooh I shouldn't say her name, but anyways SHE wouldn't help me cook and was rather lazy," April smiled and took a sip oh her wine.

Once we were finished dinner, April brought out some icecream. Bam and his dad each had a bowl while I helped April with the dishes. Her and I talked about different little things as the guys talked between themselves. Bam came and slid his arm around my waist and kissed my cheek from behind.

"Mom, look what I got her," Bam lifted up my wrist to show April the bracelet that he had given me earlier. She looked at it carefully and smiled.

"Oh Bam, thats so sweet. Aww," April let go of my wrist and smiled up at the two of us. "You two are so cute together," Bam laughed and pulled me closer.

"Well we should head home Ape, I think we both wanna have a relaxed night at home." Bam rubbed my shoulders and picked up my jacket for me. We said good bye to his parents.

The whole way back to Bam's house there was a large smile on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" I leaned over and kissed his cheek while he pulled up to a red stop light. Bam looked over at me, and smiled a little bigger.

"Just stuff," He played coy and avoided answering my question.

"Bam come ooon," I gave him the puppy dog eyes and he laughed.

"Fine, I'm just really happy that they liked you. When we were leaving my mom and dad each told me seperately how much they like you," Bam took the top of my hand and kissed it softly before he put it down in his lap and took hold of the steering wheel again.

"Really?" I felt my face get hot. Did they really like me that much? "Thats so sweet of them. I thought they were great, your mom is so nice," I smiled to myself thinking of them being there perminintly there. I saw Bam's head turn towards me and I noticed he was smiling to.

"Well that makes me even happier then,"

We finally pulled up to Bam's place, and no one was there still. He mentioned how it was werid that there wasn't atleast one person there, cause there always seemed to be people there. I shrugged, telling him maybe they just wanted to leave us alone for the night. He nodded agreeing that it was a good idea.

Bam figuered since we both werent really tired that we should watch a movie, which was a great idea. This time we agreed that the place to watch it was up in his room, so that we could be cuddled in bed while we watched whatever we wanted. I was the first one to strip down to my underwear, Bam was in the bathroom doing something, but I crawled into his bed and waited for him. There as some movie just on TV that we agreed to watch, so Bam pulled off his own clothes and then crawled in next to me.

My skin was cold but his was so hot that the second he was under the covers I curled up to his side with my head on his chest. I looked up at him before the movie started and fonud him looking down at me.

"I love you," My voice was just a whisper but I knew he heard it. A smile spread across his lips.

"I love you to baby," His lips made their way down to mine and brushed mine lightly. There was no way that life could get better then this right here.


	18. Chapter 18

I had been trying to avoid this moment all week. I didn't want to leave. I stood at the airport clinging to Bam. His arms were wrapped around me tightly to, squeezing me to him.

"I don't wanna go home," I groaned for the millionth time that day. Bam laughed softly into my ear.

"I know baby. I don't want you to go either, but you got work," Bam lifted my head up with a finger under my chin and he kissed me lightly. His eyes were sad as he looked into mine. He pushed some strands of hair out of my face and looked back into my eyes. "It wont be to long before we see eachother, I've got to come back to LA in a couple of weeks, and I'll come stay with you ok babe?" He kissed my forehead trying to make me feel better.

"OK, sounds good to me," I smiled up at him but it didn't last long. I heard my flight behind called. My smile turned upside down and I looked up to Bam. He laughed again and kissed me. The kiss was long and sweet, almost making me forget that I was in an airport leaving him. When he finally pulled away he wrapped his arms around me tightly. I wrapped mine around his waist, holding on for dear life.

"I love you baby, make sure you give me a call as soon as you land ok?" Bam pulled away and took my hand, slowly walking with me to the gate.

"Yah, don't worry I will." I stood on my tippy toes and kissed him again. "I love you too, dont get into to much mayham while I'm not with you," I kissed him again trying to make it last forever.

With one last look, I walked threw the gate and made my way onto the plane. I blinked away the few tears that I was hiding from Bam when I said goodbye to him. I felt so pathetic for crying but I was going to miss him so much. I put in my headphones and scrolled to the playlist that Bam had made me on my iPod. The first song was Killing Loneliness. We had agreed that it was our song, since , in his words "We brought eachother back to life out of loneliness," I smiled when I thought of him telling me that.

Once the plane landed, I scurried over to the baggage claim and headed out front. Kat was suposed to pick me up. She went home the day before, she had to film the commercial for the next season of LA Ink. I walked out of the airport and expected to wait a little bit for Kat to get there, but she was already there waiting for me. I guess i'd have to wait to call Bam then. I walked over to her and gave her a tight hug. Since her freak out she had come to say sorry to Bam and I. She didn't like the fact that we were together, but she wanted us to both be happy so she accepted it – sorta.

"Hey babe, how was your flight?" Kat hugged me tightly back and walked to her trunk to open it up for me.

"It was ok, I gotta say I'm really not a big fan of flying," I threw my suitcase in the back and made my way to the passenger seat. She drove off, and we listened to the radio for a few miles. I turned my phone back on and sent a text to Bam. 'Hey baby, I landed safely. I'll call you once I'm away from Kat. Love you xoxo'

"So how's Bam?" Her question was sort of unexpected but I figured this was her trying to be ok with the situation.

"He's good. Didn't want me to leave, but he said he's gonna be back in LA in a few weeks so he's gonna stay with us if you're cool with that," I staired out the window, scared to look over and see Kat's face.

"Yah i bet. Well i guess that's good, I'm cool with him staying with us. After all it is Bam," We finally got to the shop and I walked in to find my waiting client after a week of not tattooing.

I got back into the swing of things at the shop quickly and managed to do a great tattoo. As I waited for my next client I told the other girls in the shop about my new boyfriend. After a long day of flying and thne spending a couple of hours at the shop it was nice to get home and crawl into bed. I had checked my phone several times during the day and had several text messages from Bam. 'Babyyy, when are you gonna call me I already miss you.' 'I don't wanna be with the guys right now out, I wanna be with you.' 'I love you babe,'

I smiled as I read each one of them, sending him quick answers back. Once inside and after I had brought a wack load of clothes down to the laundry room and put them in, I went back upstairs to my room and closed the door. Kat was in her office downstairs so I finally had time to call Bam. I dialed his number and after the second ring he picked up.

"Hey baby!" His voice was loud and excited. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey Bam, I'm finally home and resting. Kat's hiding in her office and I'm laying on my bed," I staired up at the ceiling, feeling like a kid in highschool.

"I was waiting all damn day for her to go away! I was worried something happened," Now that made me laugh even more.

"Bam? Really you were worried? I mean I went straight to work when I got here, thats all I get to do here. I'm the one who should be worrying! You're the Jackass star!" Bam laughed this time at my comment.

"Yes I was worried. Why wouldn't I be with a beautiful girl like you on the other side of a country from her boyfriend," Still hearing him say boyfriend made me shiver. He had only made it offical the day before I left.

"I guess that makes sence,"I rolled over on my bed so I was on my stomach. I started to pick threw the stack of mail that was on my bed. I ripped open different bills as I came across them. For being gone a week, I had alot of mail.

In the background, I heard Dunn start yelling at Bam for being on the phone. Dunn was saying how they were out trying to have a good time without girls. Bam sighed, he didn't sound that happy.

"I gotta go babe, you heard Dunn I'm sure, no girls," It was easy to hear the frown in his voice.

"It's ok, I should get to cleaning up my stuff around here," I sighed not wanting to get off but knowing I should.

"I love you baby,"

"I love you to,"

I hung up and rolled back onto my back, I didn't want to do anything.

The next day at work I sat cleaning my station after a tattoo, I had already said good bye to the client and got my tip.

"Ashleigh!" I heard a male voice from the door and I looked up, part of me was praying it was going to be Bam even though I knew it wasn't him. At the door stood David, he was the guitarist in my band when I lived back home.

"David! It's so great to see you! How are you?" I got up and made my way over to him, hugging him as soon as I was close enough.

"Great, heard you worked here from Lawrence. What happened between you guys?" I stopped mid breath. Not wanting to say anything.

"Uhm, I'll tell you when I'm not at the shop ok? It's just something I promised Kat I wouldn't talk about at the shop." David nodded and asked if I wanted to go to lunch. I told him I was going to have to ask Kat if it was ok, and once I told her she seemed over joyed for me and told me to go. Maybe she thought I was going on a date with him? What ever, I was just happy to see David.

We walked down the street to a little resturant and talked for an hour straight before food got there. I told him about Bam and everything to do with him. He seemed extatic for me. As we ate, we talked about our lives, and I finally came to the question of why he was down here.

"Well I'm down here with the other guys," He took a long sip of his beer before putting it down.

"And?" I raised my eyebrow, there was a strange look in his eyes that I wanted to know what it was about.

"Well," David rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "We want you in the band again. When you moved down here we tried to make it work with other singers. But it never worked out, you are the only singer we want. If you don't want to sing with us, then well we have to end the band. We can't continue to go on without someone who we know will amaze people," David looked around nervously and then finally looked at me.

I was dumbfounded. This was something I was deffiently not expecting at all. My mouth was hanging out just slightly, and I closed it quickly trying to think of what I was going to say. After a few minutes of me being silent David finally broke the silence.

"I figured you weren't wanting to do it... Sorry I bugged you with it," He looked down at his plate and pushed something around with his fork .

"David," I breathed out a sign. "Of course I want to sing with you and the guys again. I wanna be in the band," I smiled up at him. I had missed singing more then anything, and this seemed like the perfect time for me to do it.


	19. Chapter 19

"Ok Ash, do you remember the lyrics to Lithium?" Jack pulled his guitar over his shoulder and was turning the knobbs at the top of it that were connected to all the strings.

"Of course I do." I rolled my eyes and walked up to the mic.

It had been a month since the guys had asked me to be back in the band. Kat thought it was a great idea, and every day that I spent with the guys I was even happier. When I first agreed to it, I called Bam telling him that I was in the band again, he was overwhelmed saying that it was the hottest thing he's ever heard. I just laughed and told him about the guys and different songs. Today was our last practice before we played a local show here in LA, I was so stoked.

I jumped a few times nervously in front of the mic as the music picked up and I waited for my moment to start singing. I hadn't performed in front of people for a long time and couldn't belive that I was going to be tonight. Bam promised he was going to be flying in specially to see me perform.

Once practice was over, I rushed home to start getting ready for the show. It started at 7pm and was only 20 minutes from where Kat and I lived. I still hadn't heard anything from Bam since earlier in the morning when he told me that he was going to see me in a few hours. I didn't bother texting him figuring that he was busy with getting ready and traveling all the way out here. I was so excited to see him. I hadn't seen him since I left West Chester. Kat said it would be easier if her and I went to the show together, so I could have a good time after the show and not have to worry about driving home. I was so happy with that desicion and told the guys of our new plans to have an epic night after the show.

I was suposed to be on stage in an hour, and Kat and I were just leaving our place. I looked at my phone, clutched in my hand. I had checked the messages a hundred times today, and still nothing new. I was starting to get anxious that Bam wasn't going to show. The whole ride to the venue I hummed, warming up my voice slowly. Once we were at the venue I looked around anxiously for Bam. I asked the guy at the door if he had seen him. He said no. I sighed in frustration.

"Don't worry Hun, I'm sure he'll show," Kat wrapped her arm around my shoulder trying to calm me down. It was only 10 minutes before the show. The place was packed, Kat really did out do herself when she said she'd make sure the place was filled. I stood with the guys waiting to get on. The 5 of us stood in a group and wrapped our arms around eachother. We gave eachother words of encouragement, telling each other that we were great and were going to rock. I had no doubt about that though.

The lights dimmed and the guys walked onto stage. The crowd started to yell and whistle, starting to chant our name, Grieving. With one last full body chill of nervousness running threw my body, I walked out onto stage as the music picked up. I started to sing and everyone went wild. I jumped and danced around the stage, in my own world. This was my drug, who needed anything actually like that when music could do it for me.

I had sang 8 songs, and still searched the crowd for Bam. He wasn't there. As I came to the last song a ripple of pain went threw my chest. I couldn't believe this. I stifled the sigh that I wanted to expel and started to sing the last verse of our last song. I kept my eyes closed the whole time, fearing that if I opened them and still didn't see Bam I was going to break down into tears on stage.

The song came to an end, and I let my eyes search the crowd one last time. I didn't see Bam. I walked off the stage trying not to cry, yet failing as I passed by Kat.

"Hunny whats wrong?" Kat ran after me as I made my way out the back door to her car.

"He didn't show!" I yelled, unable to control my sadness. I crouched down and pressed my back against the side of her car and started to cry into my hands.

"What?" Kat's voice sounded shocked. There was a look of disbeilef on her face.

"Bam's not here. He promised he'd be here and he wasn't," I whipped the tears off of my face and stood up. The guys fromt he band walked out, after looking for me and rushed over to me when they saw I was upset. Kat unlocked the door and told me to get in. I sat in the passanger seat as she talked to the guys. Their expressions on their faces ranged from pissed to upset to outraged. They nodded eagerly and walked back into the venue. Kat walekd around the car and got in.

"The guys are going to pack up their stuff and then they are gonna pick up some pizza's and come by our place, how does that sound?" Kat started her car but I didn't say a thing. I shrugged lightly, looking down at my phone that still had no messages. I knew I told him the right place, the address, the date the time everything.

Kat sudgested that when I got home I should call Bam, see what was happening and why he didn't show. I wasn't sure if I wanted to but I knew she was right.

I locked the bathroom door behnid me and sat on top of the closed lid toilet. My phone was pressed to my ear as I listened to it ring.

Ring, ring, ring, ring.

"H – hello?" Bam's voice slurred from the other end of the line.

"Bam, where were you?" I was starting to break down but I tried to hold my composure.

"Oh hey babe!" He sounded happy from the other side now that he realized that it was me.

"Where were you?"

"I'm here, what do you mean where am i?" I sighed trying to stay calm.

"Bam, my performance was tonight here in LA. You promised you were going to be there," The other end of the phone went silent as Bam processed the thought.

"Oh fuck, Baby I'm sorry I didn't realize it was today!"

"I talked to you earlier this morning Bam. You said you were excited to see me perform tonight."

The other end was silent again.

"Bam why didn't you show," My voice started to waver, I hoped he could tell how upset I was.

"I.. I.. Missy wanted to talk before the papers finalized. So we talked and went out for dinner and well by the time I got back I missed my plane and well the guys figured I should stay here instead cause by the time i got there you'd be finished," Tears welled at the edges of my eyes when I heard him say Missy's name.

"So you didn't show up to your girlfriends performance cause you were with your ex wife?" Tears ran down my cheeks before I could stop them.

"Baby I'm sorry, look I'll come out in a few days to see you and make it up to you ok? Baby i'm sorry," Bam's voice sounded sincere in my ear and I tried to believe that he was telling the truth.

"Ok, I'm still really upset. You could have said you weren't going to be able to make it," I wipped off the tears with the back of my hand. "Look I gotta go, I have an after party to go to. I'll talk to you later."

I pulled the reciever away from ear and could hear him say that he loved me. I didnt both to answer him and just snapped my phone shut. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked pathetic. After calming down for a minute and fixing my make up a little, I was ready to go back down stairs.

He was going to make it up to me right? There was an after party waiting for me and I couldnt be sad any more.


	20. Chapter 20

I stood in the airport looking around at all the passangers that were walking threw the gate. I saw some just casually walking out and others running towards loved ones that were waiting for them. Bam hadn't come out yet. My foot tapped uncontrolablym nervously waiting for him.

He finally came into my line of view. His dark hair was tosseled around and he had his dark sunglasses on. A smile spread across his face when he saw me start to walk over to him. He dropped his bag once I was close enough to him and picked me up tightly once I was close enough to him.

"I missed you so much baby," He whispered into my hair just next to my ear. I smiled widely and pulled away so I could press my lips to his feircely.

"I missed you to!" I wrapped my arms around his neck again as I kissed him again. When I pulled away he picked up his bag with one hand and had the other wrapped around my waist. We walked out together to my car that was waiting in the parking lot. I kissed him every time I could.

The whole ride back to my place I had to concentrate extra hard, with Bam sitting next to me my mind was making up for the lost time and making it known as to what it wanted to do with him.

When we pulled up to the house, we were the only ones there. Kat was at work and said she was going to be spending the night at her sisters to give Bam and I some time alone. I almost cried when she told me that I was so happy. Once the front door was unlocked and we were inside we could barely keep our hands off of eachother.

Bam pressed me up against the wall at the bottom of the stairs, running his hands over me eagerly. I moaned his name when he sucked on the hottest part of my neck. Our bodies were pressed so tightly together I could feel the hardness that was building in his pants. I tugged at his shirt, as I kissed my way up and down his neck . He groaned and picked me up quickly, throwing me over his shoulder.

He ran up the stairs with me. Once we were in my room I pulled his shirt off in seconds and fell to my knees infront of him as I tugged at his pants with my teeth. He moaned loudly and picked me up by my shoulders. I ripped my own top off so I could press my skin to his. He threw me on to the bed, and then quickly pressed his body on top of mine.

His hand slid all over my body til it stopped just on the very inside of my thigh where he teased me. I dug my nails into his shoulders, biting my lip from screaming louder then I already was. Bam's lips pressed into mine as he ripped my bra off and quickly grabbed at my breasts. I couldnt control my moans as i pulled his pants off, tossing them to the ground next to me.

He pulled away and sat up, looking down at me for a second before he pulled my pants off with one tug and fingered the waistband of my panties.

I was ready for this. More then any other time in my life. I loved Bam, and he loved me. I wanted him to be part of me. I was sure of this, down to every fiber of my being.

Bam hovered above me, with nothing on, kissing me passionately. Our tongues twisted together as we clutched to eachother for dear life. I could feel him pressing against my leg, wanting what I was wanting so badly.

"Ashleigh, I want you. I want you more then anything else I've ever had," He panted in my ear as I kissed across his collar bone. He pulled away so he could look into my eyes. They were filled with lust. I licked my lips and pressed mine to his. I made my way to his ear.

"I want you too," Bam got the hint quickly and was soon thrusting into me.

We rolled around the bed, panting, moaning and begging each other for more. Each movement Bam made sent my body into an overdrive of pleasure.

Together, our bodies arched and pressed together in ecstacy. I didn't want it to end, but when everything came to an exploding end, Bam and I laid together panting and covered in sweat.

He kissed the top of my head and I looked up at him.

"I hope that made up for missing your show baby," I laughed lightly and rested my head on Bams chest.

"You should miss more things so we can do that all the time,"


	21. Chapter 21

Bam could only spend the weekend with me, and before I knew it he was gone. A week had passed and I sat causally waiting at the tattoo shop for the guys to pick me up for practice.

"So when are you going to see Bam again?" I watched Kat work on a tattoo delicately as we talked.

"In 2 weeks, Im flying there this time. Just for the weekend though," I took a sip of water but stopped half way threw when my stomach made flipps which sent me running to the bathroom to throw up my lunch. I returned to the lobby with my face white and my stomach empty.

"Ash are you ok?" Kat was finished and got up to see if I was alive. I groaned and laid across the couches in the waiting area. By the time the guys got there I felt better and was off to practice. Bam was texting me telling me how he couldnt' wait for me to be back in West Chester. I smiled and tossed my phone to the couch in the rehearsl space.

I belted out the songs that we had been working on, and sat talking over a few new songs with the guys.

"Ash are you ok? You look a little pale?" David rubbed my shoulders as he sat down next to me.

"I feel like shit today," I had my head in my hands, feeling cold sweats break threw out my whole body.

"Come on lets get you home." David took me home and came inside to hang out with me. We laid down on the couches in the living room together and talked of the new songs. One I had written about Bam. I didn't want to admit it, but I knew David knew who it was about.

"So what'd Bam do to get you to write a song about him?" David placed a glass of gingerale infront of my face reminding me to drink it.

"Nothing. I just wanted to write it," I tried to stay nonchalont but I wasn't sure if it was working.

" Really, then where did 'Our bodies pressed, skin on skin. It's like the greatest sin,' come from hmmm?" David nudged me and laughed.

"Well he just made up for not showing up for our frist show," I sat up, seeing David with a large smile across his face.

"Oooo Ash got laid!" David started to dance in his seat and I threw a pillow at him. We laughed and heard kat walk in. I hushed down, thinking that it was something Kat wasn't wanting to hear about.

"What the hell are you guys laughing about like crazy people?" She had a large smile on her face as she put pizza's down on the counter. David got up quickly and ran over to the food.

"Oh nothing-" I stood up slowly, hopping not to set off my stomach again but David cut me off.

"Ash got laid! When Bam was here, she even wrote a song about it,"

I sat back down and put my head in my hands. My face was burning with embarassment. I cursed under my breath as I heard the two of them start laughing.

"Ash, there's nothing wrong with that!" Kat came up behind me and patted me on the shoulder. "He was good huh?" She wagged her eyebrows and I laughed at her this time.

Soon, the three of us got lost in talking about music as we ate our pizza.

- A week later-

I laid myself across the bathroom floor. That was the third time I had puked that morning. There was no way I could make it into the shop today.

"Hun, you're staying home. I'm not letting you come to work," Kat stood in the door frame bringing me a glass of water, pillow and a blanket.

"I know, i jsut feel bad ditching out on my clients," I groaned as my stomach started to twist again.

"It happens to everyone, now sleep here if you need to . I'm only going to be gone for 2 hours, then I'll cut my day short and come home to take care of you," Kat rubbed my back as I puked again.

She left me there to lay on the bathroom floor, going in and out of consciousness. In my sleep I had a dream of being with Bam. He made me laugh and smile in the dream. Then out of no where he was cradleing a baby in his arms. The baby had mine and Bam's features mixed together. I realized why I was getting sick. I woke up from my dream quickly and shot up to get my phone on top of the counter.

With shaking hands I dialed Kat's number and lifted it to my ear.

"Hey, do you need me to get you anyth-"

"Kat I think I'm pregnant!" The words came out of my mouth so quickly that I didn't realize that I had said them.

"What?" Kat yelled from the other end of the phone line.

"Bring home a pregnancy test with you – oh god this cant be happening!" I pressed my cold hand to my burning forehead.

"Ok I'm on my way," Kat hung up quickly.

15 minutes later, Kat came running up the stairs with a bag from the local pharmacy.

"Here Ash, I got them," She handed the bag to me and I took out one of the packages. There were 3 boxes in there. I looked up at her with a confused look.

"They always say to double or triple check," She shrugged her shoulders nervously and closed the bathroom door behind her self to give me some privacy.

I manuvered myself awkwardly and finally peed on the stick. I set it on the bathroom counter and washed my hands. I opened the door and Kat was standing only a few inches way from it.

We stood silently together while I watched the clock in anticipation, waiting to see if it was true. 8 minutes passed and it was finally time to check the test. I walked into the bathroom with Kat on my heels and picked up the white stick.

I looked down and held my breath. I started at my fingers and slowly looked down to the tip that told me the answer.

Positive. I was pregnant.


	22. Chapter 22

I sat kicknig my legs, waiting for the doctor to come into the office. I had had several anxiety attacks since I took the three tests and waitied all week to get into the doctor to make sure if I was or wasn't. I was suposed to be leeaving to see Bam tomorrow, but I wasn't sure if I was going to be able tod ot his now that I could possibly pregnant with is baby.

The doctor walked in with his chart in his hand. I bit my lip nervously.

"Hello Miss Nowek, well I have the results of your test here," He sat on the stool that was made for the doctors as I sat on the edge of the examination table.

"And?"

"Congratulations Ashleigh, you are for sure pregnant!" The doctor smiled up at me with excitement. My breath caught in my throat and I choked on it.

"Seriously?"

"Yes, do you know who the father is? It would be the right thing to inform him," I nodded without really realizing that I was. The doctor talked to me about different things that I should expect while pregnant and what I should expect. I tried to listen,b ut the thought of telling Bam was over whelming me.

The drive home I kept my mind blank, not wanting to think of anythig. The inpending doom was going to kill me. I wans't sure if Bam was going to be happy, or if he was going to be pissed. I pulled into the drive way and saw Kat sitting on the front step waiting for me.

"Ash! Whats the answer?" She stood up, she looked just as nervous as I did.

"I – I'm pregnant. For sure. 100%." I walked past her into the house and made my way into the kitchen. I was staring off in space, still not really able to grasp what was all happening. My body was numb. My mind was blank.

Kat was quiet as she came up and hugged me. I thought I was ok, but when I hugged her back I couldn't hold it in anymore. I started to cry. I balled my eyes out on her shoulder, unable to control the sobs that were comnig out of my chest. What seemed like hours passed and I finally calmed down.

"You need to call Bam," Kat pulled a few matted clumps of wet hair from my face and looked down at me. I nodded and picked up my phone. I opened it and hit speed dial.

"Hello?" Bam's voice came threw the speaker and I could barely make a noise.

"Hey Bam,"

"Oh hey, hold on," I heard russeling and moving in the background and then a door shut. "Whats up babe?"

"I have something to tell you," My voice croaked over the phone and I lookd up at Kat for moral support. She nodded me to go on.

"Me to babe – I've been thinking for the last little while that we need to take a break. I mean, I love you don't get my wrong. But Missy wants to work things out, and she's kinda convinced me to try things again," Bam's voice shocked me. My mouth dropped open and silent tears made their way down my cheeks. Kats face grew worried and I looked up into her eyes. There was no way I could talk to him, not after this. I sobbed and heard Bam calling my name on the other end of the phone. I stood up and handed it to Kat, walking out of the room.

"Ash wait! Hello Bam? What did you say to her?" Kat yelled into the phone and waited a minute to listen to Bam. I was half way up the staris when I heard her start to scream again.

"Are you fucknig kidding me? You're going to pull this shit! Ashleigh loves you, and you're doing this! Oh god – and she didn't even tell you her news yet!" It was silent again for a few minutes and then she said the unavoidable words.

"Bam, she's pregnant with your baby. She took 3 tests and went to the doctor today. She is 100%, for sure pregnant,"

I stood in my door way, tears still streaming down my face. My heart ached. I had lost the love of my life, but was gaining someone else. I placed my hand on my stomach, which didn't show anything yet. I sobbed silently and sat on the edge of my bed.

"Bam do you really think I would lie to you about this or tell this to you as a prank? Grow up! You're girlfriends pregnant – I don't care if you were going to work things out with Missy, you can't anymore!" Kat was still yelling. I cried hard into my pillow now.

It felt like my chest had be shot open , and someone was ripping my heart out slowly. Each jolt of pain felt new and made the sobs harder.

I heard Kat's footsteps on their way up the stairs.

"Look Bam. You tell her that. She loves you, more then she should. She's crying," Kat walked into my room and handed the phone to me.

"Hunny, it's Bam. He has something to say to you. Don't worry he'll be nice," Kat rubbed her hand over my shoulders trying to sooth me. I took a few deep breaths before I grabbed the phone and pressed it to my ear.

"What?" My voice was weak and pathetic, but it was all that I could muster up right now.

"Baby... I... I'm sorry for what you said. If you're pregnant then I'm going to make things right between you and I. If its our baby then it's going to have both of us," Bam's voice was quiet on the other side.

"Ok," I heard a door open on the other side of the phone and a female voice that I didn't want to hear.

"Bam baby, who's on the phone and why were you yelling. Come back to bed," Her voice got closer, she must be standing right next to Bam.

"Ashleigh's pregnant with my baby, I'm not going to leave her like this. Missy get your shit and go. I don't care what I said earlier," Bam had pulled his mouth away from the reciever but I still heard every single word. Missy started to yell and Bam told her to shut up.

"Baby, I'm going to call you back and we can arrange for when I'm going to see you or you coming here ok? I need to deal with Missy,"

"Ok," I shut my phone and looked up at Kat.

"What did you say to him?" I was so happy that Kat was with me, and that she had talked to Bam. The fact that Missy was already there though, meant that he had been sleeping with her. That hit another heart string and made me cring when I thought of it.

"I told him how I've never seen him so happy with anyone other thne you, that you need him as much as he needs you," Kat rubbed my back as she spoke.

"You didn't have to..." My voice trailed off as I started to think of Bam and Missy together.

"Yes I did. I may have wanted to be with Bam at some point, but you're with him now and you're having his baby. I love you both and want you to be happy." I smiled at Kat's words. She really was my best friend. I sat up and gave her a hug. I wipped the tears from my cheeks and smiled.

"I guess I should tell the guys shouldn't I?" I smiled, thinking of what good was going to be coming out of this. Kat smiled back at me and nodded quickly. I picked my phone up and sent a mass text to my band mates saying that they needed to get to my place asap because I had to tel them something extremely important. David replied quickly, asking what it was about, but I told him he'd have to wait til he got there.

Kat and I went downstairs to wait for the guys to come downstairs. Jack was the first one there, with Steve closely behind him. Joe came in with David hot on his tail .

"What is so freakin important!" David stood anxiously wiating with his arms crossed over his chest.

I looked over to Kat and bit my lip, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to tell the guys. She motioned for me to go on and I stood up infront of everyone.

"So, this week has been rather stressful for me and Kat's been helping therw it all and well I've got a suprise for you all," I put my hands behind my back and looked at each of the guys.

"I'm pregnant," Everything was silent for a minute before the guys realized what I had acutally said.

"Are- are you serious?" David stood up and looked concentrated on trying to believe what I just said.

I stuffed my hand into ym backpocket and pulled out the sheet that my doctor had given me. It was a list of things to do and not to do. I tossed it at David who read it quickly. He smiled up at me and then jumped up.

"Contgrats babe!" David gave me a huge tight hug before he let go of me so the other guys could to. I huged each one of the guys as the contragulated me and told me how happy they were for me.

After all of that, the 6 of us all agreed to go out to dinnerm, to celebrate the soon to be new member of our little family.


	23. Chapter 23

I heard the doorbell ring from the living room. I already knew who it was. Bam. He had promised to come on 2 weeks later. I wasn't sure if those two weeks he had still been fucking Missy though. My stomach started to turn at the thought of it, I shook my head to get the nasty image out ofmy head.

When I opned the door, Bam was standing there with his suitcase and a boquet of flowers. I was still really hurt with him, but I couldn't help but smile when I saw the look on his face.

"Hi," His voice was weak as he looked up at me with a sad face.

"Hi," I smiled lightly and opened the door more and let him in. He came in and handed me the flowers.

"Th- these are for you," Bam's hair was damp, pressed against his forehead. There was a low barrel of thunder that came from the sky above us. I took the flowers out of his hand carefully, and smiled.

"Thanks, you didn't have to bring these," I nodded towards the kitchen and Bam started to follow me. I put them down gently and went to grab a vase from the cupboard.

"Yes I did. I've been such an asshole to you... I feel so bad," I felt Bam come up behind me and wrap his arms aaround my waist lightly. I didn't move for a second, debating on how I should act.

I twisted around in his arms so that my face was just an inch from his.

"You have been an ass. And I'm not sure if I want to forgive you yet, but," I wrapped each one of my arms around his neck and looked up at him. " I'm still happy to see you,and that youre herem" I stood up on my toes and pressed my lips to his lightly.

Bam wasn't expecting this, but quickly pulled me closer to him. He eagerly deepend the kiss and held me tightly. When I finally pulled away, it was only for air and not acutally wanting to stop that.

"I'm glad youre happy to see me," Bam smirked as he pressed his forehead to mine. I couldn't help but smirk up at him. I heard a noise come from the front door and Bam and I each jumped back.

A minute later Kat walked into the ktichen where we stood a few inches apart.

"Oh hi Bam," Kat didn't sound very pleased that he was there. She dropped her bag on the kitchen table, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and then made her way to her office. The door shut loudly and I let out a small sigh of releif when I knew she wasn't in the same room now.

"Well she seemed happy to see me," Bam said quietly as his finger twirled threw a curl in my hair. I nodded and took Bams hand. I made our way over to the couch in the living room where we sat down. The second he was down next to me his arm was wrapped around my shoulder and was pulling me closer to his chest.

Everything was silent between us for a while. The TV was on and we were flipping threw the channels and silently agreeing on what we wanted to watch. The whole house was silent. Kat didn't leave her office the whole time. From under the crack of the door, I could hear music quietly playing in her office. She really wasn't pleased.

"I'm so happy that I'm here with you now," Bam whispered softly into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. A smile spread across my face as I turned around and looked up at him. My head was laying in his lap as his fingers tangled with my hair.

"Me to," I sat up slowly and pressed my lips to his.

The kiss started off slow and sweet, but as they molded together it started to get hotter. Bam pullled me into his lap as he wrapped his arms around me tightly. My fingers ran around the collar of his shirt before one of them wrapped around his neck and the other finding the back of his neck and trailing up it to find his hair. I wrapped them in his hair and pressed myself closer to him.

Bam moaned into my lips as he ran his fingers up and down my sides. When he finally pulled away we pressed our foreheads together as we panted lightly.

"I'm sorry, god am I sorry," His voice was filled with sincerity as he held me closer – if that was already even possible. I pressed my lips to his again, but this time only for a small kiss. Just as I pulled away I started to yawn. Bam laughed and pushed the ahir out of my face.

"Lets go to bed baby, you need all the rest that you can get," Bam lightly ran his palm over my stomach as he moved me to get up. I nodded and took his hand as we made our way to the bottom of the stairs. He picked up his bag with one hand and then started up the staris after me.

I walked into my room and turned expecting him to be there. He was just inside the guest bedroom about to open up his bag.

"Bam?" I stopped him and walked into the room. "What are you doing?' I crossed my arms over my chest in confusion.

"Well I figured that you didn't want to sleep with me, so I'll just stay in here," Bam looked up at me with an innocent expression. Part of me wanted to say, yes stay in here by yoruself. But the deeper, much more wanting side of me wanted him to stay with me. For him to hold me like he had before and tell me everything was going to be alright.

"Bam," I looked at him for a moment as I bit my lip. "Come stay with me, I want you too," I took a few steps closer to him as he stood up. His eyes searched my face before he pressed his lips to my forehead lightly and picked up his bag. I took his hand as we walked into my rooom. He dropped it at the end of my bed and stated to pull off his clothes.

I did everything I could not to stare, even though it was a failed hope. I started to pull off my own clothes, trying to distract myself. When I looked back at him, his eyes were on my body this time. We both stood there for a moement in our underwear, looking over eachothers bodies.

I shook my head and made for the bed, pulling back the blanket and sheets and curling up under thme. Bam was quick to follow and wrapped his arm around my waist. He let his palm rest of my stomach, pressing down just lightly.

"I'm so excited babe, the second you told me I was gonna be a dad of a beautiful baby that would be coming from you, my mind couldn't get off that thought," Bam kissed along my neck and shoulder as he curled his arm around me.

"Really?" I tried to hide the huge smile, but I'm sure even in the dark Bam would have been abel to see it.

"Yah, I'm so happy baby," He nuzzed himself up against my shoulder and rested there.

"Night baby, I love you,"

A smile spread across my cheeks again.

"I Love you to baby,"

I fell asleep quickly in Bam's arms. For the first time in months, everything felt like it was going to be ok.


	24. Chapter 24

Three months had passed since I had figured out I was pregnant. Bam was constntly back and forth between LA and West Chester to see me. Each day I spent with him I was falling in love with him even more. The time he spent out with me in LA was low key, quality time. When he was out there to see me, no matter who was out there too he would stay with me instead of going to party. It was hard to resist his smile as he told me how he turned down the guys again for a party.

"Bam are you sure? You haven't gone out in a while and I know you want to," I would sit there feeling guilty, like a bad person for keeping him in. It was odvious that the guys on the other end of the phone were getting mad at him, telling him I was controling him. Every time they would say anything Bam would tell back at them.

"Baby, it's ok. I want to stay in. I wanna be with just you before it's not just us anymore," He would rub his hand over my stomach, that was starting to grow slowly, and look up at me with a large smile.

My heart would melt each time.

It was a day later, and I woke up earlier then usual to see Bam sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

"Baby whats wrong?" I rolled over and put my legs over the edge of the bed liek his. He shook his head softly and looked back up at me.

"Nothing, I just have a fucked up dream," There was a worried look on his face, soemthing that you didn't see very often.

"What was it about hunny?" I snuggled up to his arm and rested my head on his shoulder. He didn't make a move from there except too take my hand lightly.

"Something happened to you. The baby too, I don't know. You died and so did the baby, and I was left without either of you," I looked up into Bams face and tears were threatening to come crashing down from them. I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck tightly.

"Baby, it's ok. Nothing is going to happen to me or the baby," Tears were starting to brim in my eyes too, it was so heartbreaking to see Bam sitting in front of me crying cause he thought he was gonna loose me.

We sat there for a few minutes before either of us moved. I glanced at the clock and it was time for us to get ready. I had a doctors appointment this morning. Bam and I each had our showers and got ready. By the time I was showered and ready, I went downstairs to see Bam putting some food on a plate.

He looked up at me when he heard me walk into the room. A smile spread across his face as he put the plate down on the table. It was some scrabbled eggs and toast.

"Thanks baby," I kissed him on the cheek. "You didn't have to do this for me," I smiled as I picked up my fork and started to eat. It wasnt til after the first bite that I realized Bam had made me something. Now, he did know a few basic things, but I had never had anything like this from him.

"Babe did you make this?" I looked at the food infront of me causiously for a second before taking another bite. It was good for someone who barely knew how to cook. A huge smile spread across Bam's face like he was a little kid.

"Yes! Do you likeit?" He came and sat down next to me with his own plate.

"Yah, acutally it's really good."

We ate together and talked about what we were hoping to hear from the doctor. The ride was just like every other drive that Bam and I had shared. It was filled with music, and us singing along to the music.

When we got there we went into the room almost right away, it was weird how we didn't have a wait.

I sat on the examination table, looking at Bam nervously. He took my hand in his and squeezed it lightly.

"I'm sure everything's ok Babe," He reassured me,b ut I could shake off the feeling of something being wrong.

When the doctor came and smiled at each of us. He talked to us about what we should be expecting, and started to tell Bam what he should do if anything happens. I watched as Bam nodded nervously, not reallly knowing what to do or say. When it came to my turn the doctor pressed on my stomach lightly and then pulled out the ultra sound machine.

"Are we acutally going to be abelt os see something today?" I looked back and forth between the screen and him eagerly. The doctor pressed the cold gooy stuff onto my stomahc and then swirled it around on my stomach.

A distorted noise started to come from the speakers, and I turned quickly to see a small form on the screen. My heart started to beat faster as the little body of the baby inside me started to make lines. There was clearly a head and the starting parts of limbs but not much past that.

I looked at Bam, who's eyes were glued on the screen just like mine were. I could feel tears starting to form in the corner of my eyes. The look on Bam's face was amazing. It was filled with excitement and pride.

The doctor talked about a bunch of stuff, and then said how the baby was looking great. He mentioned how it was a little soon to know if we were having a girl or a boy yet.

The doctor thanked us for coming in and then left the room a few minutes later. Bam's eyes were wide and still looking down at his hands.

"Bam are you ok?" I stood up and looked at him nervously, he looked up at me with a smile on his face.

"I – I" He stood up, still not sure what to say, but he pressed his lips to mine eagerly. "I can't believe we are having a baby," His voice was a whisper but it sent chills over my body. I smiled and pressed my lips tohis again before pulling him out of the room with me.

Just outside the office doors I could see sheets of cold rain. I groaned. I hated the rain. I pulled the hood over my head as Bam did the same fro himself. Bam ran ahead of me and unlocked the car door as I sped walked over to him. He held the door open for me as I got in. Once the door was shut behind me, he was on the other side just a second later.

We sat together quietly as the rain poured down on top of the car.

"Hungry babe?" Bam looked over to me as he took my hand in his and placed it in his lap. I nodded eagerly, I seemed to be extra hungry lately. I guess it was cause of the baby. We drove down the street with the music off, Bam said the music was distracting him. I agreed to turn it down and trying to enjoy the sound of the rain. He pulled on into the main road.

We sat in silence together, as the rain poured heavily onto the roof of the car. I shivered in my sweater. I asked Bam where he wanted to go, he just shrugged his shoulders and pulled up to the red light. I turned over to smile at him. There was a worried expression on his face.

"Baby whats wrong?" I sat up in my seat a little, truning his face towards mine slightly. He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders again.

"I just have a really strong urge to tell you that I love you," He looked at me with a half smirk .

"Aww, well baby I love you to," As I finished my sentence Bam's face turned from sprta happy to a terrified look. I turned my head i the direction that his head was facing and saw the car, that was going far to fast, coming in our direction.


	25. Chapter 25

My body froze, I wasn't sure what I should do. My eyes darted to Bam, his expression was just the same. Everything started to move in slow motion. The rain drops fell singling, one by one, breaking it's unison.

The wheels from the car coming towards us screeched even though the ground was cold and wet. From next to me, Bam yelled something but my mind blocked it all out. I wrapped my arms around my stomach as the hurtling car came in contact with ours. My head snapped back and I screamed as the glass exploded and flew threw the air with us. MY eyes were pressed shut as the car turned in the air, instinctively, my body curled itself into a ball.

The car landed hard on it's side first, before it was thrown into the air again. It rolled over and over again, my limbs whipping around. Everything was silent as the car rolled from it's sideto the roof and then it's other side, and repeating countless times. As the car started to slow my head hit the side of the door which was bent in towards me. Everything went hazy and I glaned over at Bam, who was unconcious now. I opened my mouth to say his name, but everything went black.

Bam's POV

Everything was silent, was it over? God I hope so. I tried to move my hand but all I felt was pain. Fuck this hurt. My next was pressed against the roof of the car, we had stopped upside down. My mind was swirling, how did this happen? Ashleigh. I tired to turn to her, but my body was numb.

I could hear the foot steps of othersd running towards us. It was only a minute after I was awake that I heard the sounds of the sirens. Thank fucking god. They needed to get her out of here, they needed to get me out of here.

The medics ran up to the car, screaming for people to get out of the way.

"Is anyone concious?" The first paramedic kneeled down next to my used to be window.

"Yah I am," My voice was jsut a croak and I cleared my throat. "Her her out – my girlfriend – get her out first, she's pregnant," I knew that if I told them that she was pregnant that she'd get taken care of first. She was unconcious and was pined to the ground by a huge chunk of metal. The medic rammbled on about something into his walky talky and started to get things set up on my side.

"What are you doing? Get her first!" I yelled at the paramedic as they tried to pull my out.

"Sir, we will get your girlfriend out too – there are more paramedic's on their way to help," Sure enough as he finished his sentance I could hear the sound of another ambulence. As the guys pulled my out of the car, the firefighters stood there waiting with the jaws of life. I had never been so worried in my life.

They laid me on the streacher.

"Sir what is your name? Do you know what the date is?"

"My name is Bam Fucking Margera and I just came from the doctor with my girlfriend about our baby! Stop asking me fucking questions and get her!" I yelled at the paramdic as he stood above me watching me.

He didnt say a thing and walked over to her. He walked back over into the ambulence that I was now in with a grim look.

"Mr. Margera, she's already been taken away. She was barely alive, her pulse was slow and she was barely breathing, they took her in before you," The paramedic's face didn't move from the clip board.

Panic started to race in my chest. The heart monitor that was connected to me started to beat like crazy.

"Sir please calm down, it's not good for your body right now," The paramedic was strapping me in, connecting an IV to me.

"How the hell do you expect me not to panic when the woman I love is barely fucking alive!" The doors were shut by my feet and I felt the ambulence start to move.

The ER was crazy. All I could hear was people yelling and machines beeping. The first thing out of my mouth was how Ashleigh was doing. The nurses that came ot me first said they didnt know. One of them finally ran off to ask someone. When she came back her face was even more serious then it was before.

"She's in surgery already sir," her voice was bleak as she stood there for a second and then walked away quickly. They wouldn't answer any of my questions. One of the nurses said they were going to have to restrain me if I didn't calm down.

I tried to laid there as calmly as I could as they did whatever they were doing to me. An hour passed before they wheeled me into a care room. Once I was in there they shut the door. I was the only one in the room but there was enough space for another bed. I waited for the nurse to come in. She had a clip board in her hands that she held onto tightly.

"Mr. Margera?" She asked as she first peeked her head into the room.

"Yah, what?" I was getting really sick of waiting for this goddamn information.

"Your girlfriend is out of surgery now," She walked in slowly, almost as if she was scared of me. I guess I was starting to get a reputation around the hospital already.

"How is she doing?" I sat up in the bed, but then fell quickly back to my back. I broke my arm in 4 different places.

The nurse looked back and forth between the chart in her hands and me. She avoided my eyes.

"Well, she made it threw the surgery," I held my breath as she told me and sighed loudly when she finally told me.

"I'm guessing she's going to be moved into this room with me? Can that happen? I don't care how much the bill is, I'm paying for it," I reallly didn't care, I just wanted her to be here with me.

"Yes, I can arange that," She nodded and wrote somethig down on the chart.

"And the baby?" I asked her eagerly, the baby had to be ok.

"Sir...the, the baby didn't make it,"


	26. Chapter 26

My head pounded. Ugh, advil, pain pills something. It felt like I was waking up from a dream, you know what of those really long ones. I rolled my head to one side when I felt something in my nose. I opened my eyes slowly and saw the bleak white walls. There were voices in the room.

"Excuse me, when is she going to wake up?" I recognized that voice, it was Bam. I smiled and rolled over my head to the direction that his voice was coming form.

"Well look for yourself Mr. Margera, she's waking up now," The doctor that was standing at the end of the other bed in the room. Bam looked over at me quickly and jumped up. He was in a pair of sweat pants and a tshirt with a sling around his shoulder to hold up his arm. There were cuts and scratches all over his bare skin that I could see.

"Baby! Oh my god!" He walekd over slowly, not wanting to risk throwing himself off balence. He pulled along an IV poll that was connected to him. Thats when reality sunk in. We were in a car accident, a bad one. I tried to sit up but the nurse that was standing at my other side held down my shoulder.

"Mam, you're going to have to stay laying down," She let go of my shoulder and then started to write down stuff on a chart. When I looked back over in the direction that Bam was coming from, he was just stopping at the edge of my bed. He sat lightly on the edge and looked at me with a smile.

"Hey baby, how are you feeling?" With his good hand he pressed his palm to my cheek. I pressed my face into it and smiled up at him.

"I hurt, but I'm happy that you're here," Bam bent down slowly and pressed his lips to mine. I could feel different places of my face that hurt, I must have been bursed there.

He pulled away from the kiss and looked over my face.

"I must look really bad huh?" I tried to make a joke out of it, even though I knew it was a bad one. Bam laughed softly to himself before he stopped from what looked like a shot of pain that ran threw his body.

"Nah babe, you still look as hot as usual," He smirked down at me which made me feel better. I sat there in silence for a few minutes as Bam and I staired into each others. It felt like the first time that I had ever seen his eyes. They were filled with excitement and lust.

"I was so worried about you," Bam broke the silence with his whisper. I smiled and kept my eyes locked with his. "They weren't sure you were going to make it. I... I waited for so long to find out anything,"

My chest started to hurt as I watched the look on Bam's face change. I started to feel tears at the edge of my eyes and looked up at him again.

"But baby, look I'm fine," I smiled up at him but that didn't help the worried expression on his face.

"Ashleigh, you've been asleep for almost a week and you had surgery. There were metal and glass fragments embeded all over your body. You have somethin glike 80 something stiches. You're not fine, and.." Bam trailed off before he could finish his sentance. A panic started to build in me now, wanting to know what the end of his sentance really was.

"And?" I sat up in bed, Bam pressed his good hand to my shoulder and pushed me back down to the bed like the nurse did. He avoided my eyes. That made me start to freak out even more.

"Bam, what else happened?" my voice wavered and he still avoided my eyes. That was when reality hit me for a second time in only minutes. The baby. I moved my hand to my stomach and the bulg that was once there was gone. Tears whelld down my face before I even knew if it was true.

"Bam," I called out his name threw the sobs that were breaking out of my chest. I wanted him to answer me. When he finally looked at me, there were tears running down his own face this time.

"We... we," Bam coughed as he whipped the tears off of my face and then his own. "We lost the baby,"

The words hit me like a train, I would have rather been in a hundred car acidents then hear those words. I felt my heart break as I looked into Bam's face. His eyes were sad, unlike anything I had ever seen. I coughed, trying to get my mind to wrap around what was happening. Why was this happening to me...

I did everything I could do to sit up. This time Bam didn't push me back down, but he wrapped his good arm around me and held me as close as he could. The sobs that were coming from my chest now were uncontrolable. Was this really happening to me? I looked up at Bam, who had even more tears now running down his face. His sobs were quiet, as he tried to calm me down. He must have known for the week I was out.

I pulled my head away from Bam's shoulder and shook my head. There was no way that this was happening, this couldn't actually have happened.

"No bam, you're lieing it – it can't be gone just like that!" I sobbed threw the words, watching with each word more pain spread across Bam's face.

"B-baby, I'm sorry," Bam cried as he pulled me closer ot him again.

I sat there crying, uncontrolably til the nurse came in. She took one look at Bam and I and walked out of the room. Hours passed as we cried. I never thought I could cry like this, but my body just forced the tears out of me.

After a while, I laid down on my side, with Bam's arms tightly wrapped around my waist. I fell asleep dreaming about the one thing I had lost before I even had. Our child.


	27. Chapter 27

I think a week had passed. Days just blurred into eachother and time seemed to pass without any notice. The nurses would coem in once an hour but they barely paid attention to me. Bam had made them move his bed closer to mine. Every little while he would try to talk to me, I wanted to talk to him, but had nothing to say.

Half the time I would roll over onto my other side so I didn't have to see him. Everytime I looked up into his face tears would threaten to fall and break my shell that I had started to form. The world around me seemed worthless, like there was no real satisfaction in life. It came to the day that I was getting discharged. Kat was waiting there at the entrance of the hospital with her car. Bam had left a few days before hand, he needed to head back to West Chester. Our goodbye wasn't very romantic. I was curled on my side in my hospital gown. He kissed my cheek and told me he loved me. I nodded and told him "yah, you to," He didn't seem very pleased with me.

The ride back to Kat's was silent, she had come to see me every day, bringing my flowers, or books or magazines. I could tell that she wanted me to try and think of something else but I knew it wouldn't work. My steps up our stairs were slow, but she waited patiently behind me. I crawled into nbed and didn't bother moving for weeks.

Slowly, I started to go back to work every day with Kat. When I wasn't working with Kat, I'd be with the guys performing or working on new songs and practicing. I had never put so much energy into anything in my life. I don't know what I would have done without Kat. Shedid everything for me til now.

I hadn't talked to Bam since he left the hospital while I was still in it. I had heard rumors of him partying, partying hard. That didn't really suprise me. If I wasn't so dedicated to what I was doing, then well maybe I would go out and get wasted every night too. But that's just not me.

After band practice, I walked into the shop to see Kat and some of the other girls talking quietly about something. They didn't hear or see me come in. I snuck up behind them and asked them what they were looking at. They were all huddled around Kat's computer and jumped when I made a noise. Kat slammed her laptop shut and they all looked upa t me with very red faces.

"Whats up?" I walked around so that I was facing them and they all looked around, avoiding my gaze.

"Uhm," Kat opened her laptop slowly and then clicked a few times before she turned it towards me. There on the screen was a group of photos, with familiar people in them. Bam had a large smile on his face, while his arm was around the neck of some other girl. I bent closer to the photo's and noticed Missy's face. Under the photo's the article said that Bam and his seperated wife Missy were getting back together. They were going to be having a ceremony with close friends soon to renew their vows.

I was expecting my body to start freaking, tears to start running down my face, but nothing happened. I read the article over and over again before I turned it back towards Kat and made my way over to my station. I didn't say anything to them for the rest of the day. They all must have thought I was mad, but really? I should have expected this from Bam. He was continuing on with his life and you know what, so will I.


	28. Chapter 28

"Thank you! You guys are so good to us! I'll see you on our first US tour next month everyone!" I waved eagerly at the fans that were screaming up at me. I turned to look at the guys behind me, they were smiled and waving too. With one last quick bow, I walked off the stage with the guys right behind me.

"That was so fucking awesome guys! Our best show by far!" Joe handed his bass to the roadie that was eagerly waiting for it. There were 3,000 people out there. In the last few months we were starting to become more popular and known day by day. Music was starting to consume my life. Everytime I had to call Kat and tell her I couldn't come into the shop because I had a photo shoot or had an interview she would just agree that it was ok and to have fun.

Life was crazy, hektic and amazing. For the first time in months since loosing the baby and the crash I was happy. Hell, I was extatic with everything. As I walked out the back doors of the building with the guys, a bunch of fans came running over. I smiled and signed as much as I could. I stood with the guys as we took pictures with the fans and answered their questions. One of the young girls came up to me with a shirt that said 'I 3 Greiving' on it.

"Ohmygod! You're so amazing, I can't believe I'm meeting you!" She blushed and asked me to sign her shirt. I couldn't help but laugh and then posed for a photo with her. Before I turned to the next fan she asked me something I wasn't expecting.

"Uhm, Ashleigh, I heard on the fan sites that you were once engaged to Bam Margera? Was that true?" Her eyes were large, it was easy to tell she was a Bam fan. I looked at the bracelt that was on my wrist. Even months later I couldn't take it off.

"I dated him for a while, but wasn't engaged" I smiled at my fan who looked excited at the fact that I had been close to someone else she liked, but before she could ask another question I turned to another fan and started to talkto them. The last thing I needed was to be questioned by Bam fans.

After 20 minutes, we pilled into the van and drove away. I fiddled with the bracelt around my wrist. I didn't like the fact that Bam was an asshole, but I still loved him – as much as I hated to admit it. He brought me back to life, he was a star in a dark night. No matter how angery I was at him, the bracelt on my wrist would just remind me how much I love him.

I twisted it around my wrist, reading the worlds for the 100th million time. They were embedded into my mind now. A hand came into my view and wrapped around my wrist. I followed up it's arm and saw David looking back at me.

"Stop Ash, we all know you miss him. But he's getting re-married," He stopped and searched my face for some form of expression. "I don't want you to be miserable again, you're like my sister, I just can't deal with that. I know the other guys would agree," David eyes were sincere and I knew it was true. I had to get over Bam wheather I liked it or not. I sighed and turned to the window, everything was black and it was late in the evening. We had agreed before the show that we were going to go to a bar to celebrate our night, which really was deserved.

Once we were at the bar I walked in and headed straight for the bathroom. I fixed my make up and ran my fingers threw my hair. It still looked perfect even from before the performance. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out. I pressed a bunch of buttons until I got to the unread message. It was from Bam.

'Hey Ash Baby, remember a while ago you said you'd sing for my next concert here? It's comin up next week and mtv is makin a special of it, you'll be a star babe! Call me when you can about it.'

I read the message over 10 times. Shit. I forgot about that promise. With my back pressed again the counter I thought for a few minutes. I needed to reply with something, not just leave him hanging.

'Hi. I said I would but I'm not sure if the others are down, I'll have to talk them into it,' I slid my phone back into my pocket and went to find the guys. They were sitting in the VIP section, with a table filled with drinks, and two girls with them already. I stopped and put my hands on my hips. It took them minute to look up, and once they saw me the girls were shoo'd away. I sat in between all the guys and picked up a shot which was lined up with another 4.

"To us guys! I can't believe we are finally here!" After crashing all our shots together we drank them back and threw them to the table. We all laughed to see Joe's face controt at the taste of the hard alcohol – he was much more of a beer man. We talked and then I waited til the right minute to ask the guys.

"Alright, so I have soemthing to ask you," I rested my drink down on the table and situated myself so that everyone could see me.

"Please tell me you don't wanna leave the band nooow!" Jack joked as he faked a sad face. I punched him in the arm and laughed with the other guys.

"No no nothing like that guys, ok so I made this promise a while ago," I twisted the bracelet on my wrist lightly.

"No Ashleigh, you aren't doing a fucking thing for Bam!" David slammed his drink and started to swear. I raised my hand before he continued, stopping him.

"David, shut up. This isn't just about me right now, it's about all of us," They all has sceptial looks on their faces but nodded to continue.

"Bam asked me a while ago, when we first started dating for me to perform at the next concert he has on his property at home." I paused letting that first part sink in. "That show is coming up next week," They all started to shake their heads but I had to convince them.

"Look guys,MTV is sponsoring it, and filming it. It'll be a special, we'll get paid for it and MTV will be airing us across the world. We can't turn that down. It's exactly what we need," I stated my case, hoping that the guys would agree. They said they needed a minute to think, I just nodded and walked towards the bar. After 5 minutes I headed back and sat with them again.

"Ashleigh, this is a really fucknig stupid idea of yours," David was blunt and I looked down at my drink, stiring it with the toothpic in it. "But, we need the publicity. We need the money, and well hell we need MTV. So we gotta do it,"

I couldn't hide my excitement. I leapt up into the air and hugged all the guys. After that, they all looked at me with a stern look.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to even pay attention to Bam. He's got his wife, and I've got a world full of millions of hot single guys!"

With another round of shots we cheersed about our new venture. I messaged Bam a minute later, saying as long as MTV paid us and we got a good spot on the show then it was 100%. Bam freaked, he was so happy. He said he'd make sure we got the spot and even more. Maybe it wasn't going to be so hard being friends with Bam now?


	29. Chapter 29

The guys had never been in first class and were amazed as the flight attendent handed us each a glass of champagne.

"Thank you MTV!" Jack raised his glass and cheersed from across the aisle. We did the same. MTV had booked us all first class tickets there and back. Also for a hotel and ride from and two the airport, but Bam told them he had that figured out. I guess we were going to be staying with Bam for the night – great. Whatever, I shook it out of my head and drank champagne.

A few hours later, we landed just outside of WestChester. The guys were stoked, they had never been to any other part of the US other then California with me. I told them about how great it was down here and they seemed to like the idea of it. I walked out front of the airport to see Dunn leaning against the hummer. I couldn't control the smile that spread acorss my face as I dropped my bag and jumped up to give him a hug.

"Hey Ash! Damn you get better looking each time I see you!" He hugged me back tightly and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. I returned it and then turned to introduce the guys.

"Ryan, this is Jack, David, Joe and Steve. They are my band members," I smiled and pointed them each out. Then I turned and pointed at Dunn. "Guys this is Ryan, but just call him Dunn it works out better that way," I laughed and picked up my suit case again. It was much much since we were only staying for the night but it was stil heavy.

Dunn opned the trunk and started to help us with our stuff. Each one of the guys only had a backpack which was packed, but I had my purse and a carry on suitcase. A girls gotta look good on tv anyways.

The whole way to Bam's palce, Dunn was telling me about how crazy it had been at the castle the last couple of days while everyone was getting things ready for the show. He told me random stories from recently. He asked how the band was doing and I told him about the band was doing a US and Canada tour next month. Dunn seemed excited about it and told me how he was going to make sure he came and saw us. Finally, when we pulled up to Bams place, I could see why Dunn was happy to get us from the airport. There were people running around everywhere and doing things like mad people.

We walked into Castle Bam and the guys were looking around. I told them to ignore it and follow me. I lead them upstairs where the guest rooms were. Dunn said we were staying up there. Joe and Jack in one and then Steve, David and I in the other, which I was totally fine with. I threw my suit case on the bed as soon as we got there and started to go threw the clothes that I had brought. It was warm here and I wanted somehting that was going to be perfect on stage, just as much as off stage. I took a break and walked downstairs to get a beer, and thats where I finally ran into him.

"Hey Ashleigh! Why didn't you tell me you were here?" Bam wrapped his arms around me, and for a second it felt like before but I knew it wouldn't last. I pulled way first and looked up at him.

"Well I couldn't find you, I figured you were doing something in this chaos," I cracked my beer open and threw the lid int he trash. Bam's eyes were on me the whole time.

"It feels so good for you to be back in this house," Bam took another step towards me and whispered his words. I wanted to believe them, just as much as I wanted to believe in Santa. But it was all a lie.

"Yah it's good to be back here," I nodded and looked around the room. "Where's your lap dog?" I took a sip of my beer and waited for Bam to answer. His face changed and then he realized who I was talking about.

"Oh she's out shopping, she wanted somethign wear for tonight," He nodded. We stood there in silence for a moement and thne I looked at the clock. It was 4 and I was going to be on stage at 7 and people were getting here at 6.

"Well I probably should get the guyst ogether, and do sound check. I'll see ya later," I waved behind me as I ran up the stairs to our rooms. It was my sanctuary this trip. The guys agreed it was time for soundcheck and we headed downstairs.

Sound check went by fast, much faster then it should have and we were rushed in side to get ready. I could feel the littlbit of nervousness starting to set in. I always got a little nervous before going on stage. From inside the house, I could hear one of the first bands playing. Bam, being the great person he was made sure that we were the main attraction. The head liner. I could see in the eyes of the guys as we made our way downstairs threw the crowds of people, that they were starting to get nervous. I had never been on TV, and neither had them. We were going to be on in 20. I was kinda hoping that Bam would atleast wish me luck, but he seemed to be off doing something else. Or I guess I should say someone else.

We stood at the edge of the stage and watched as the band before us ended and walked off stage. There were lights and cameras everywhere. I looked at the guys, they had their guitars around their necks or their drum sticks in their hands.

"This is going to be great. We can do this," I put my hand in the middle of us and they quickly pilled their hands on top of mine. When we broke apart it was time for us to go onstage. MTV had requested that we perform a full set which was a daunting task. On the plane, we had made a list of songs: Nothing Left To Lose, Bet You Wish You Had Me Back, Lithium, Beautiful, Speechless, Burn, Feast Your Eyes, Shadows Kiss and Restless.

The lights dimmed on the stage and we walked out quickly. I stopped short infront of the mic and looked at the faceless people. I picked up the mic from it's stand and the lights flashed on. Music kicked into gear and I started to dance across stage to the music. I sang loudly to the music, hitting every note, executing every line perfectly. This was by far going to be our best performance. When Nothing left to lose came on I searhced the crowd for Bam. He stood with the guys, Missy no where to be seen. I wrote this song months ago and it was about Bam. I locked my eyes with him as I sang the song and acted out the words.

The fans were going crazy, screaming like nothing else. With each song I danced and swayed to the music perfecting. Out last song, Bet you wish you had me back statred to play and I locked my eyes with Bam's again. I danced and swayed perfectly to the dirty words that I had written into the song. I watched as Bam's jaw dropped as he watched me dance. Once our last song finished I thanked the crowd, told them who were were and walked off the stage.

The first to reach me was Dunn whoses eyes were wide when he finally met mine.

"You did so fucking amazing out there!" He hugged me tightly and I gasped for breath as he let go of me.

"Thanks," I couldn't help but have a huge smile on my face. Dunn looked around quickly and then took a step closer to me.

"Bam was so shocked. He's gone to the hosue. He's upset. He wants to be with you so bad, but is with Missy," Dunn whispered into my ear and his words sent chils down my spine. A wicked smile started to spred on my cheek. I kissed Dunn hard on the cheek and smiled at him,

"Thats great! Let him feel like shit!" I threw up my glass and waited for everyone else to join me for a cheers. I chugged back my drink, and threw it to the ground. Tonight, no one was going to ruin my party.


	30. Chapter 30

I woke up to the sound beeping. I rolled over David who was asleep in barely anything and grabbed my phone. Fuck, we had to get up. I rolled the other way to find Steve there. Somehow, I got over him and went to the bathroom first. I had a quick shower and then started to wake up the guys. As David and Steve were both in the bahtroom getting ready, there as a soft knock on the door. I walked over to it and opened it. Bam stood there with a confused expression on his face.

"Morning," He sounded happy, whcih was random.

"Morning. What do you need?" I alf closed the door. I was only in my jeans and didn't have naything else on other then a bra.

"I need to talk to you," I nodded and let him. I told the ugys in the bathroom to give me warning before they came out, telling them that i was talknig to Bam. He heard them yell and curse about how I shouldn't but that didn't matter to me.

"Whats up?" I sat next to Bam on the edge of the bed after pulling on a shirt.

"I.. I don't know how to say this," He looked down at his hands and then back up at me. "I miss you Ash, more thne I've missed aynthing in my life. I need you here, it just feels right with you here,"

For a moment I let the words sink in. He wanted me back. Great. I smiled and bent in to kiss him lightly. Before I got there I stoppede though. I remembered Missy, and all the other shit he had put me threw.

"Bam, I miss you too. Alot. More then I should," I fiddled with my bracelt until Bam intertwind his figners with mine. I looked at our hands and then pulled mine away.

"Bam I love you, but you got back with Missy and scrwed shit over wiht me when you did that," I rubbed my head before looking back at him. It was pounding with a headache from to much alcohol. With my thumbs I rubbed my temples. Bam sat there silently.

"I'm sorry Ash, I don't know what you want me to say or do, but I'm sorry," Bam bent over and put his head in his hands.

"If you wanted to be with me so bad, then when did you get back together with her," There was no need for me to say her name. The question had been eating away at me for months, but I did what I could to forget about it.

"I was scared Ashleigh. We lost everything! One second you and I had a baby on the way and we were going ot have a life together, I was even going to ask you to marry me – but then there was the accident," Bam was standing now with his hands in the air. I could feel my heart starting to break all over again, just when I thought I had everything delt with.

I couldnt say anything. Tears were brimming along my eyes. I felt eyes on me and looked up to see Bam's eyes filled with tears too. Once he saw mine he fell to his knees infront of me. He pressed his head into my lap and I could feel his tears soaking threw my pants.

My tears broke ground and ran down my cheeks, dropping into Bam's ruffled hair. He wrapped his arms around my legs and hugged them for dear life. Together, Bam and I sat there crying holding on to eachother. A knock on the door behind me startled the both of us and when I turned I saw David with a sad look on his face. He tapped his wrist, showing that we needed to get going. Lightly, I ran my fingers threw Bam's hair and he looked up at me sadly.

"I have to get going Bam, my flights in 3 hours and I have to pack and get to the airport still," Bam stood slowly. He nodded and walked towards the door.

"Let me know, i'll give you a ride to the airport," With that Bam walked out of the room. I whipped the tears from my eyes and cheeks and started to throw things into my suit case. Steve and David came out of the bathroom, fully dressed and everything.

"I'm guessing you guys heard that?" I didn't look at them over my shoulder as I folded cltohes.

"Yah," Steve's voice was queit as he came up behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I looked down at it and weakly smiled.

"I'll be find guys. Hes going to give us a ride to the airport in an hour or so, that good? I just want to get out of here," They nodded and we all got ready. We didn't say anything to eachother, which was nice for a change.

When the guys and I were ready, I went downstairs to find Bam talking to Dunn. Dunn half smiled and then nodded. Bam looked up atme. His eyes were still slightly red. I smiled and told him I was ready to go. He got up and went to bring the hummer to the front door. Dunn offered to carry my bag down and as the guys headed downstairs he stopped me at the top of the stairs.

"That was hard what you had to do Ash, but it was the right thing," He smiled and kissed my cheek lightly. He took my suit case downstairs and out to the hummer. I was happy that alteast one person was telling me that I did the right thing.

By the time I was downstairs, everything was in the car and the guys were waiting near the humer. I hugged Dunn and told him to say good bye to whoever else I missed and told him I'd let himknow aobut the dates of the tour. Everyone got into the hummer, leaving me to sit up front with Bam.

The ride was quiet and I kept on looking at my phone. I had wished Kat would have come, but she didn't anything to do with Bam now. The music was on quietly and the guys were talking in the back with themselves.

We finally came to the airport much sooner thne I really watned to. I may have said no to Bam, but I wanted to stay near him. The guys got out and said very short goodbyes to Bam. They walked inside the front doors and nodded at me, giving me a signal to talk to Bam.

"Don't worry, I'll always love you," I bit my lip as I stood infront of Bam. There was so much I still wanted to say to him. "And maybe, if you ever finally leave Missy – like for good, then I might want to be with you again," I staired him in the face this time. His eyes searched my face. He didn't say anything but took another step closer to me. I wrapped my arsm around he waist for the last time. I wasn't sure when I was going to see him next, maybe never. He pulled away and looked at me intently.

"I'll always love you," Bam whispered and then pressed his lips to mine lightly. I could have stayed there forever. If only this kiss could last forever. Maybe someday everything could work out,b ut for now, I knew I had to move on.

I pulled away and picked up my bags, with one last look over my shoulder at him, I walked away. The lump in my throat threatened to break my compusure, but I walked into the airport where my band waited for me.

We boarded the plane quickly, and took off. When I landed in LA, I wasn't going to wait around for Bam anymore. I needed someone new.


	31. Chapter 31

It was a few weeks into the north american tour, and I was having the time of my life. Our opening acts were doing amazing, and each night as we performed the crowd would go wild. Along our way we had the change to meet the bands that I had looked up to.

You name them, I was friends with them now. Avenged Sevenfold asked us to tour with them the next year, Papa Roach asked to do a song with us and CKY said we were amazing. We were at a party after a big show in some city, I couldn't remember where, but I sat there talking to the drummer of CKY.

"It's so amazing to meet you, you guys ar eby far one of my favorite bands!" I felt like a fan girl talknig to them.

"Oh thanks, you guys are great!" Jess shook my hand and stood there talking to me for a while. After about 10 minutes he stopped and looked at me.

"You're her aren't you? You're the one that got Bam so hung up on," Jess had a confused look on his face as he looked me over.

"Uhm excuse me?"

"Didn't Bam tell you I was his older brother?" Panic started to run threw me before I could say anything.

"I – Uh – u-" I felt my face go red, as I looked around for a way out.

"Don't worry, I won't tell him I saw you tonight. But he's been miserable the last month, telling me about this girl named Ashleigh who he wants to send the rest of his life with," Jess smirked as he looked at me. "You're just as pretty as Bam discribed you,"

There was that tugging and retching feeling in my chest again. I nodded and tried to smile.

"Yah, I guess thats me," I looked down at my drink and swirled it around. I looked back up at him and drank my drink in one gulp. I was going to need a few more of those if CKY was joining us for a few dates.

We talked for a little longer, before he said he had to leave. I thanked him for telling me how Bam was doing and for not mentioning that he had seen me. Even during the most exciting time of my life Bam was on my mind.

I was headed to the bar when i bumped into someone. The drink that was in their hand spilt all over their shirt and I yelped as we colided. I appologized like crazy and looked up into the face of an incredibly good looking man. I told him to follow me and that I'd give him a shirt to make up for his soaking wet ruined one. He followed me out. When he looked at the shirt, he smiled and asked if I was in the band. My cheeks flushed red and nodded. He told me how much he loved the band and how his band would have loved to have toured with us.

His name was Jay, he was the guitarist of a band called Addiction. And man, was he good looking. I introduced myself, and we stood outside, near my van talking about music and other things. Before I knew it, his lips were on mine and I didn't want to stop him.

Weeks had passed and I was starting to fall in love with Jay. Him and his bnad had joined the tour and were with us every minute. Jay made me laugh like no other in the world. I didn't care about going out with him, I was perfectly contnet on sitting with him and just talking. Music was taking over both of our lives and together we couldn't get enough of it.

I was walking back from an interview onto my bus. There were flowers out side of my bus. I picked up one of the roses and opened the door slowly.

"Hello?" No one answered me the first time, but when I called out I heard Jays voice from the back. I followed to the back of the bus and found a table filled with roses and flowers. Jay sat there with another flower in his hands and took anoher step closer to me. My stomach fluttered as I saw him there.

"Ashleigh, darling, come here," Jay took my hand and lead me intot he back of the bus more.

"Y- Yes?" I looked around at everything. There were candles lighting up the room with my favoirite smell, vanilla.

"Darling, marry me, please?" Jay got down on one knee infront of me and looked up with large eyes. He took a small black box from his pocket and opened it up. There was a beautiful ring inside with a small diamond on it. Tears ran down my cheeks and I leapt up and said yes. It seemed so soon but, I ws just so happy.


	32. Chapter 32

-4 months later-

"Jay can you just drop it! I don't want to talk about it!" I tried to do everything that I could not to yell. I was suposed to be on stage in an hour and the last thing I needed to do what to yell.

"No! I won't drop it! You won't take that fucking thing off!" He grabbed for my wrist and caught it in his hand. I looked at the bracelet that hung there limply. No matter what I wasn't going to take off the bracelet, I promised myself I wasn't going to forget my past and the people who helped me.

"I told you, It's important to me, i'm not going to take it off!" I tugged my wrist free and grabbed it with my free hand. Jay had had a tight grip around my wrist. I rubbed it as I looked at him with a hard look. "And don't you dare grab me like that again!" I picked up my bag and walked out of the room.

If life was a cartoon, there would be smoke coming from my ears. I couldnt belive that he was pulling his shit after I told him everything that I had been threw in the last few years. I stopped outside and took a deep breath of air in. The last month or so had been tough with Jay. He would argue with me daily about my bracelet from Bam. He said it wasn't right for a woman to be getting married ot have some other peice of jewelery on from some other guy.

It was a while before I headed back intothe building. I must have been otuside for a while cause when I got in the guys told me about how Jay was freaking.

"I told him you needed time to calm down but he freaked atme and said I shouldn't be telling him what to do about his own fiancee. I almost punched him in his face," David's hands were clutched into fists at his side.

"Thanks D. Calm down, I have a feeling I won't be with him much longer anyways," There was no point in hiding it from the guys. It was true. The guys didn't bother saying anything, they didnt want to upset me any more.

We did our usual before performance rituals and then headed on to the stage. The crowd was wild and it was great to be back home. Out of the corner ofmy eye I thought I saw someone that I recognized, but that really wasnt that hard in themusic scene in LA. By the time the show was over, I had seen the mystery person several times. But only quick glances or views each time.

The show was over and everyone left. I was packing my makeup nack into my purse when I heard a knock on our dressing room door. I yelled,telling them to come in and turned around. Dunn walked in first, with a large smile on his face and then Bam followed him. It was Bam who I had ket on getting glimpses of.

"Hey guys! Thanks for coming!" I ran over to Dunn first and gave him a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. He did the same and then let me go quickly.

"Hey you were phenominal out there!" Dunn shook hands with the rest of the guys as I came up to Bam. I hugged him tightly and kisse dhim on the cheek.

"It was great that you could finally come ot one of my LA performances," I smiled up at him before turning back to the group of guys.

They asked if we wanted to party,and there was no way to avoid that with Dunn and Bam. We agred but desided on not going there. Kat was out of town for her book tour so I suggested that we all just head back to my place. Everyone liked that idea. Bam said he'd stopp a the booze store and get a bunch of stuff, and not to worry about paying him back. I thanked him and said I'd mmeet him at the house.

An hour later Bam and Dunn walked in the front door with a ridiculous amount of booze.

"Is that for all ofus?" I looked over the many bottles that were placed ont he kitchen counter.

"Yup," Bam smiled largely and started to pour out shots.

The night started quickly and seemd to fly past. It was great to just have quality time with Bam, Dunn and the guys. I could tell that David and everyone else was starting to warm up to Bam, which made me so happy I could have started to dance.

Every night before it got to late, Kat and I would call eachother and tell the other about our days. I went up stairs, quietly breaking away from the group of loud guys to call her. I sat on the edge of my bed and listened to the phone ring. It rang severaly times before I got her voicemail. It seemed odd but I left a shortvoiceamil. I only told her to call me when she had time and that the show was good.

I stood and turned to look at my phone when I felt an arm wrap around my waist. I knew whose it was right away and spun around to see him. Bam's eyes were bright and gleaming back at me. I had only two drinks, and was almost compeltely sober so I knew what I was doing when I pressed my lips to his fiercely. My arms wound their way around his neck and I pressed my body as close as I could get to his. My fingers tangled with his hair as his pressed my body to his. Bam pushed me back,and I landed on my bed with him on top of me. I didn't bother hiding how badly I wanted him as I kissed down his neck. I listened as he called my name and moaned into my ear.

His hands traveled up my shirt and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I looked up at him and saw something on his hand. His wedding ring. I stopped mid track and looked up at him.

"We can't do this," I tried to sit up but Bam pushed me back down.

"Baby, you know we both want this. I love you , and you love me. Now lets make love how it's suposed to be,"

Bam's words shook the world into perspective. I didn't really love Jay as much as I thought I did. It was Bam all along. With out hessitation I pulled my shirt off and threw my bra onto the ground. Bam's eyes scanned over my bare body and then pulled off his own clothes.

It only took us a few minutes to get undressed and under the covers. Once we were, Bam didn't stop to enjoy the moemnt and he put himself inside of me. I clutched ot his body, trying to stay quiet, as our bodys moved together as one. Each thrust of his hips sent electric shocks threw my body, making me want more.

My lips molded to his just as if they had never left. I kissed down his neck and chest slowly watching his eyes close and him bite his lip in passion. I kissed my way lower, teasing him the whole time. Bam gripped my shoulders and moaned my name loudly as I kissed and licked him in his most sensitive places. Before I could do anymore Bam flipped me over and pressed my back into the sheets. It was his turned to kiss his way down my body. My teeth were digging into my lips so hard that I could taste a little blood from it.

When Bam's lips finally came up to mine, my body was quivering with pleasure. He started to thurst into me again and for the second time, I made love to the man of my dreams. Atfter an hour, Bam and I laid their panting and holding eachother tightly. I was the first to drift to sleep, securely in Bams arms.


	33. Chapter 33

It was 3 in the morning when I woke up to Bam kissing my neck softly.

"Babe, what are you doing?" I rolled over so my nose was pressed against his. He smirked and kissed my lips lightly.

"I wanted to tell you someting," He pulled me closer so my head was resting on his chest.

"Oh and what's that?" I closed my eyes thinking it wasnt acutally as big of a deal until he said something.

"I think we should get back together, and I'm serious this time."

"Bam," My voice trailed. I watned to be with him so badly but it wasn't going to work .

"Listen to me please, baby," He pleaded and I looked up at him in the dark.

"Leave that asshole, the guys told me how horribly he treats you. Even after he knows what happened to you, please baby do it for me," I closed my eyes, remembering earlier in the night with Jay. How he had hurt my wrist and wouldn't stop yelling.

"I'm not going to leave him unless you leave Missy for good. And I mean if we get into a fight you don't go back to her. I won't unless she's gone from your life completely," I stood my ground and waited for him to think. God I was hoping he was going to say yes. Everything just seemed better with him in it.

"Yah, I'll leave her. As long as no matter what you stay in my life," His words were the best ones I had ever heard in my whole life. A smile spread quickly over my cheeks. I curled up a little more in Bam's arms and then pressed my lips to his.

"Sounds like a deal to me," I wound my arms around his neck and lookied into his eyes. Bam smiled and kissed my forehead. Bams hand trailed down my back sending chills over my body. I hooked my hip over his wasit and pressed my body to his. Here was deffiently a way I could get used to his again.

Bam said we should go to sleep and that in the morning, we'd call Missy and Jay. The thought of calling him brought a little anxiety to mind, but it was uickly disapated when Bam kissed me. My mind went blank and soon lead me to my dreams.

In the morning, I woke up before Bam. I slid from the tight grip of his arms and made my way over to the bathroom. I shut the door uietly behind me and started up the shower. Once Bam was awake I watned to spend every minute with him.

The hot water ran over my bare body, calming me better then anything else. My muscles started to loosen, the tension in them fading away. As quietly as I could, I started to hum our song. Killing loneliness. This all almost seemed to good to be true. He was really going to leave her for me and that couldn't make me happier.

Humming wasn't doing the song justice and I started to sing in a low voice. I had every word memorized by now. I ran my fingers threw my hair as I repated the song for a second time now. With a deep sigh I washed the soap off of my body. I stood directly under the water when I felt two warm arms wrap themselves around my waist and then a cool naked body press against my back. Before I even looked, I knew who it was.

Bam was kissing along my neck and turned me around so that his lips could meet mine. They were eager, wanting more and more with each kiss. I agreed quickly and started to winde my wet body with his. The hot water mixed with Bam's precense sent me into a new euphoria. Now this was the best thing ever.

After sharing many kisses Bam finally pulled away and smiled.

"Morning baby," He started to rinse his hair as he said it, making me laugh.

"Morning babe," I kissed him and stepped towards him. I wrapped my arms around his torso and just stood there with him while he washed himself and enjoyed his shower time like I did. When he was finished, we both got out and wrapped ourselves in towels. Life was deffiently going to be muuuuch better with Bam.

Still in my towel, I walked into ym room and picked up my phone. Bam followed with a questioning look on his face.

"What are you doing?" He asked as I scrolled threw my phone. I clicked on Jays name which brought me to his contact info. I looked up at Bam and patted the bed next to me.

"I'm calling Jay now. I don't want to wait anylonger," Bam's smile got bigger as he quickly made his way next to me. I clicked call and then put it on speaker phone. We listened intently and right before it was about to go to his voice mail a groggy Jay picked up.

"What do you want?" He sounded grumpy and hungover.

"I've got to tell you something Jay. You're not going to like it," I chewed my lip, not sure what was going to actually happen now.

"What is it? You aren't knocked up are you? You'd look like shit pregnant," From the corner of my eye I saw Bam's hand curl into a fist. I rested my hand on his and mouthed to him to calm down. Odviously that had hit a sore spot with Bam.

"No I'm not, but thats for the compliment. What I wanted to tell you is that I'm getting back together with Bam. I don't want to be with you, I'll drop off the ring later today," I made sure to sound confident and sure of myself. Everything was silent ont he other end of the phone for a while before he finally pipped up.

"No youre not. Youre still just pissy about your bracelt shit, just take the fucking thing off and I won't be such an ass to you anymore," We could hear him moving around int he background, he was probably getting dressed thinking that he could come over and sort things out.

"No I'm not Jay. I'm getting back together with Bam, I'm with him right now. I spent last night with him," I smirked as I looked at Bam who was laughing quietly. "Say Hi babe,"

"Hey babe," Bam said as he pressed his lips to mine making a loud kissing noise. I giggled and heard Jay swearing on the other end.

"I thought he was back together with his wife, you just his side project now?" Jay's voice was bitter and that attack hurt.

"Actually no, once we are off the phone with you, I'm calling her and telling her that its done and that Ashleigh is going to be movin in with me, ain't that right baby?" Bam looked at me with sparkling eyes.

"Yes, yes it is," I kissed his cheek .

"Fuck this, I'm coming over and talknig some sence into you!" I heard Jay slam his front door and him get into his car.

"Don't bother Jay. I don't want to see you," It was true, I didn't want to face him. I mean part of me was upset that I had cheated on him, cause I had never done that before, but I just didn't want to see him cause I was sick of his bullshit. Before I could say anything else Jay's phone line cut out and I looked to see that he hung up.

Bam was starting to get dressed.

"What are you doing babe? Can't we just stay in our towels all day?" I looked up at him with a teasing look, pulling the towel up a little higher on my thigh. He looked down and bit his lip.

"As much as I want to ravish you, if that assholes comin here I'm going to deal with him, not you," Bam kissed me and smacked my ass before he walked into the bathroom. I smiled and started to get dressed myself. I was in my bra and underwear when he came back into the room.

"Can you stay like that for the rest of the day babe?" He ran his hands over my bare skin on my stomach and kissed me on my neck lightly.

"Nope, well maybe if you call missy now," I smikred up at him and handed him his phone. The look on his face was priceless as he grabbed it and started to dial Missy's number. He put her on speaker phone like I had and we listend to the ringing. She didn't pick up and it went straight to her voicemail. Bam smirked and started to leave her a message.

"Missy, it's Bam. Get your shit out of my house today, whatever's left over is getting thrown out. I'm getting back together with Ashleigh and the divorce papers will be sent to you later today. Don't bother trying to get ahold of me again, I don't want to see your skanky ass!" He hung up and laughed. I laughed as sat on Bam's lap.

"There, now you're gonna stay in this alll day?" Bam raised his eyebrow as he fingered the waist band of my boyshorts.

"Yup!" I smiled and strattled his lap. We got caught up in toching eachother and and didn't notice the door bell until someone was pressing it constantly. I groaned and got off Bam. He went downt o get the door first. I pulled on a pair of small shorts and followed him down to the door.

Bam was the one to open the door and came face to face with Jay. Bam had never met Jay before, but Jay knew who Bam was – who didnt.

"Get the fuck outta my way," Jay tried to push past Bam, but Bam caught him before he could get over the threshhold.

"No, I don't think so. This isn't your place and she already said that she doen't want you here," Bam suddenly when from the harmless guy around me, to this big gruff guy who could take on anything.

"Well this isn't youre fucking place either and she doesn't know what shes talking about. You were probably convinceing her to call me. What are you like bribing her with fame or some shit like that?" Jay started to get angry and from behind I saw Bam clench his fist. I came down the last few stairs and came to stand next to Bam.

"Jay get out of here. I don't want to see you again," I pulled the ring off my finger and held it out in front of me. He snatched it out of my hand quickly. Jay was glaring at me and then looked me up and down.

"What the fuck are you doing in like nothing?" Somehow Jay pushed threw the door and Bam and came up to me quickly, cornering me against the wall.

"Because Im with my boyfriend, just fuck off Jay," I pushed his chest so he would move but that didn't work. He came closer and wrapped his hand around my throat, pressing my neck into the wall.

"Don't talk to me like that, you're mine!" Jay's voice statred to shirll as his sanity started to dwindle.

Bam came up and pushed him off of me. I quickly ran for Bam who wrapped his arm around me protectively.

"Get out of this house now before I kick the shit out of you or call the police," Bam's voice was demanding and Jay looked back and forth between us. While cursing and swearing, he stormed out of the hosue slamming the door behind himself loudly. I went up and locked the door quickly and sighed with relief.

Bam came up and lifted up my chin to look at me throat.

"Baby are you ok? He didn't hurt you did he?" His voice was urgent but then turned in to thratening as he continued. "I swear to god, I'll fucking kill him if he hurt you," I took Bam's hands in mine and pulled them away from my neck.

"Bam, I'm ok babe. I don't worry. I'm fine, i've had alot worse. I'm just happy to be with you," I smiled up at him and kissed him lightly.


	34. Chapter 34

"Baby come on! We gotta go to the airport!" I stood at the bottum of my stairs in LA, yelling up them for Bam. We were suposed to be heading to Europe for a festival. Bam had pulled some string and got us a spot at a huge festival. Thanks to MTV we were getting bigger by the minute and I was starting to get recognized everywhere I went, even if I wasn't with Bam.

"Yah yah yah, I'm coming," Bam was at the top of the stairs with a large suitcase. He had come from WC a few days before hand and was going to be comnig to Europe with us. I was extatic to be able to tour with him.

Whne he was at the bottum of the stairs I looked at our luggage. We each had a huge suitcase, then a smaller one and then a carry on. I laughed at the fact that Bam was just like a girl when it came to clothes, he had to have lots with him all the time. He kissed me on the cheek as walked past into the living room. All the other guys were already there, waiting nervously to get going.

"Ok guys! Lets go! The limos here!" I yelled with excitement as soon as I saw it pull up infront. Bam wanted this to be extra special so he arraneged a limo to take us to the airport. We call pilled in and talked about what we wanted to do in europe. I finally told the guys that we had a bus to tour on which they seemed excited about, we had never had that before.

As we went threw the airport security and went to wait for our plane, I couldn't stop moveing. I was getting antcy. Once we were on the plane, which was all first class, Bam and I sat together a few rows ahead fo the guys. Over the last few weeks since Bam and I had gotten back together, they were starting to like Bam. Nothing could make me happier then them liking him. I was just up on cloud 9.

Bam sat in the window seat and looked out every few minutes.

"I don't know how you could do that! I'm so scared to look your way cause I might see outside!" I clutched the arm rest tightly, I didn't like heights.

"Baby it's ok," He shut the window covered and put his arm around my shoulder. I started to calm down at that and soon fell asleep with his head resting on top of mine.

I felt a hand on my shoulder shaking me, I wanted to complain. Just 5 more minutes mommy. But when I heard the voice that made everything ok, I opened my eyes.

"Baby, wake up we are here," Bam whispered into my ear and when my eyes lifted to meet his there was a large smile on his face. Outside the window next to him I could see that we were already ont he runway, landed.

On the ground that wasn't runway, there was snow covering it. I hadn't seen snow in years. I laced my fingers with his and we started to get off the plane. The guys were excited, Finnland – wow!

There was a permanit smile on my face, I couldn't shake it off. No matter what I did or thought about, nothing could make make me unhappy. I had never been to europe before, and ever since I had known Bam all he could talk about was Finland.

As soon as we were off the plane though, everything started to get chaotic again. There was a driver outisde of the airport to take us back to the hotel, for us to get ready and then an hour later we were off to the venue for interviews before our show. The day before we had left, we had our soundcheck and made sure we knew what songs that we wanted to paly and how we wanted them to sound. It was going to be damn good.

The hotel was huge and absoulutely gorgeous, I had never been to a place like this before. Bam was at the counter and grabbed our hotel room stuff, he made sure that we were going to be staying together. Bam didn't want to wait for the guys to come up stairs with us, he wanted us to go up just alone. I told I'd meet the guys downstairs in the lobby in just over an hour – we had barely any time to get ready.

I stood in the elevator and dropped my bag. Bam was scrolling threw his phone but he wouldn't be doing that soon. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his eagerly. I heard the crash of his phone on the ground and then his arms wrapped around me. He pressed my back to the wall of the elevator. I bit his lip lightly with my teeth and heard him moan a second later. His hands pushed their way up the back of my jacket so he could feel my bare, hot skin.

His hands were cold and the shock of it mixed with my intence need for him, sent me farther then I could have imageined I'd ever get in an elevator. The elevator came to a stop, and the doors slid open. No one was on the other side but I didn't want the risk being caught. I ran ahead of Bam, pulling my suitcase behind me. I had the key in my hand and wanted to get in there. The sooner we were in, the sooner I could rip his clothes off.

Bam must have had the same thought, cause he was right behind me as I fumbled with the key to get into the door. Once we were inside the doors, I threw my suitcase to the gronud and statred to pull off my own clothes. I crashed my body into Bam's as he picked me up and walked me to the bed. As soon as my back was on the sheets of the bed, I pulled Bam's shirt off in one go – it had to be gone. He ripped mine off seconds later with an unpleasent ripping noise. Other times I would care about it, but not now.

My skin on his – there was no way I could discribe how amazing it felt. My lips found their way away from Bam's lips, kissing across his cheek lightly then finding his favorite spot. As I kissed and sucked on it lightly Bam moaned loudly, unable to control the way he felt. Before I could go any farther down his neck Bam was pulling at the button on my pants, trying to rip them off as well.

His lips were on mine as he laid on top of me, with only our undergarments on. I could feel him pressing against me, wanting to do much more then just kiss. Bam`s `hand slid under me, making his way to the clasp of my bra. With a snap he unhooked it and started to pull it off. His hands were rough, but his touch was so light that goose bumps ran over my skin.

Slowly, I ran my fingers down his sides letting my nails dig into his as they moved along. When I finally got to the rim of his boxers, Bam was quivering underneath my touch. I tugged lightly at them pulling them down so that he was pressing against my skin. I moved my hand from his back to between us, where I let my hand find him. He gasped lgihtly and pressed his body to mine even more. My hand moved slowly with him, til after a while he stopped me.

"Bam whats wrong?" My voice was just as out of breath as his was. He smirked down at me and pressed the strands of hair out of my face.

"You gotta get ready for your show, and I've got a suprise for you later so I wanna save the Sex to later," Bam wagged his eyebrows lightly, which caused me to laugh uncontrolably.

I groaned lightlty as the touch of Bam's skin was pulled away from mine, and rolled over to start picking up my scattered clothes.


End file.
